Anger Archives - Tomme Stevenson

April 30, 2024April 30, 2024

The Dopamine Experience

The dopamine experience, the runner’s high; gambling, extreme sports, or even drugs like cocaine and methamphetamines provide an emotional thrill. They all give us a sense of being bulletproof and invisible. It is like learning to fly without learning to land. The takeoff is exhilarating, but the ground is somewhat unforgiving, as are the consequences of unbridled emotions.

Ethereal Experience

The easiest approach to life is to let go, abandon all pretense, and allow your emotions to take over. There is something ethereal about not overanalyzing the moment. It can be momentarily euphoric to stop fighting the urge. It is a thrill-seeking behavior where anger triggers dopamine reward receptors in the brain. One of our great struggles is to build a wall between the person we are and the person God made us to be. At the moment, the person we are seems much more attractive than the person God wants.

James 1:20, "for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."

Early in my adolescence, I didn’t understand the addictive nature of anger. I was a dopamine addict. Anger became its reward; the final consequences were always destructive, yet I followed the impulses in the moment without regard for them. Weirdly, I perceived the consequences as a result of the other person’s reaction, not my action. I was the victim.

The best revenge is to be unlike the one who performed the injustice. – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

We understand the implications of rage, but I think we underestimate its destructive characteristics. Anger is more subtle and less evil. It ebbs and flows with the circumstances of the day. Saint Augustine stated, “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Anger is a slow-acting poison; the changes are driven from within, and it is hard for the angry person to notice.

Ephesians 4:26, "Be angry, and yet do not sin."

We all get angry; it is a visceral reaction to what we perceive as injustice. It is that instantaneous impulse to react, to do something. In that dopamine rush, the question is, what? It is tough to overcome our instincts. We are not rational; we are emotional. How do we change that momentum into positive change? It does not happen by resisting the urge but by redirecting it.

Proverbs 19:11, "A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression."

Redirecting

We are become a more unforgiving society. We have our truth, and you have yours, but yours is wrong. I am less and less amazed by people who will stand their ground in light of the onslaught of facts to the contrary. We become so emotionally invested in a position we can not fathom an opposing view. Any fact that disagrees with my position is a lie, a fabrication, and fake news. There is only one truth.

Psalm 8:6, "You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet."

Redirecting our emotions is about reevaluating our perception of that truth. God oversees all things. That truth has the power to overcome any obstacle. I do not have to defend my position or even be right concerning my opinion. God has the final decision. If my position contradicts God, it will fail, even if I prevail in my argument. If my position is consistent with God’s will, it will happen whether others agree.

Read A cts 5:34-39, where Gamaliel says, “For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.”

The way to redirect anger is to believe that God is behind everything that happens. You do not have to protect yourself from injustice; God will in his time. The timing may not be to our wants, but we don’t have control over it. The underlying feelings of weakness, insecurity, and lack of control are our perceptions, not reality. We can walk away knowing that the God we worship has this. It is not about being right or wrong but about accepting God’s dominion.

Final Decision

That is not to say that we shouldn’t speak to injustice; it is to say that it is not ours to achieve. God’s plan for us may intersect with a particular injustice, but the timing and outcome are still His. Your part is to mirror Christ; His part is to bring about changed hearts and souls.

Ephesians 4:31-32, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."

February 20, 2024February 20, 2024

A Testimony to Anger

This is a testimony to anger and a path to a better life. This post is my personal journey with anger, from being consumed by it to finding love instead. I used to be fiercely angry, aimless, and dangerous. Picture an energized metal ball bouncing unpredictably through the lives of others. That was me—without direction, without control. My anger lost its origin over time; there was a trigger once, but it faded, leaving behind only a lingering sense of rage. It became my identity. I know this because I lived it throughout my teenage years and early adulthood. My anger was pervasive, coloring everything I saw and did. I couldn’t satisfy it; it constantly craved more fuel, whether it was a perceived slight, a sideways glance, or a hint of condescension.

Proverbs 29:11, "Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end."

Others tried to offer assistance, but I stubbornly refused to listen. In my mind, the problem wasn’t my anger; it was everyone else’s foolishness. I believed it was their issue to deal with, not mine. Reconciling with the root cause of my anger seemed futile because it had long ceased to exist. My expression of frustration wasn’t always through overt anger; it mostly manifested as sarcasm, skepticism, or a tendency to take the opposite stance.

“To be angry about trifles is mean and childish; to rage and be furious is brutish; and to maintain perpetual wrath is akin to the practice and temper of devils; but to prevent and suppress rising resentment is wise and glorious, is manly and divine.” – Isaac Watts.

What Changed

My job required me to interface with construction workers. I was visiting a job site when a Control Foreman took me aside. We walked over to his pickup truck. He opened the passenger side door and then the glove compartment. After which, he pulled out a silver revolver, not to threaten me or try to intimidate me; he just made a statement. He told me I was an adult, and if I couldn’t find a way to control my anger, one of these would be my end. Someone could be desperate enough to do the unthinkable. I was angry, not stupid; I understood. I had to change.

Ecclesiastes 7:9, "Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools."

The transformation was gradual, spanning over many years. Initially, I didn’t focus on suppressing my anger but rather on controlling how I expressed it. Despite the turmoil within, I managed to hold back the words that would have otherwise poured out in frustration. Yet, this approach felt draining and unsustainable. I knew there had to be a more effective solution.

Turning to the Bible was a decision born out of necessity rather than religious fervor. Though I had been baptized in my youth, my understanding of its teachings was minimal. My intention wasn’t to seek salvation but rather to find a practical solution to my inner turmoil. I committed to reading its cover every year for eight years, drawn to its wealth of wisdom on navigating life (Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, for example). Even if Jesus were merely a fictional character, the advice attributed to him was undeniably thought-provoking and insightful.

Matthew 5:22, "But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment."

What Really Changed

The actual testimony to my anger transformation started slowly with a book by Lee Strobel entitled “The Case for Christ: A Journalist’s Personal Investigation of the Evidence for Jesus.” Strobel methodically goes through the historical test used to validate any ancient text. These are the same criteria used on all historical documents to validate the authenticity of their writing. Lee Strobel was an atheistic former legal editor of the Chicago Tribune. He challenged a dozen experts with doctorates from schools like Cambridge, Princeton, and Brandeis concerning their evidence concerning the New Testament. He concluded that the New Testament was accurate and historically true. Christ walked the face of the earth. His death and resurrection happened. The miracles were not make-believe.

Now I had a decision to make. What is my response if everything written in the New Testament is historically true and Jesus did what is written to have done? It was one of the watershed moments in my life. I needed to go to church. I needed the input of others to understand my new revelation better.

What is Still Changing

Colossians 1:16, "For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him."

The change that is still going on in my life is that I now understand that God cares for me as an individual, not as part of a collective whole. He created me uniquely and specifically for the purpose He has for me. His will can not be denied or thwarted. I do not have to defend myself; He will do it for me. He has ultimate control. People do not offend me; they offend Him and His creation.

Ephesians 4:26, “In your anger do not sin"

Even now, the lingering testament to my struggle with anger is my persistent quest for control. This misplaced desire often leads to frustration, igniting the familiar flame of anger within me. I’ve come to recognize that this aspect of my personality is part of how God has designed me. However, I’ve also gained insight into the purpose and meaning behind my anger. It serves as a signal, indicating when I’ve strayed from God’s intended path for my life. In those moments, I take a deep breath, seek forgiveness through prayer, and endeavor to realign myself with His will. Only by surrendering to His purpose can I truly find peace within.

For those of you who struggle with anger, I pray that God gives you the courage to surrender to His will and reap the peace that comes with that surrender.

Ephesians 1:4-6, "For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love, he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves."

November 8, 2022October 22, 2022

Love’s Reaction to Anger

What is love’s reaction to anger? There is another side of love that we all experience; it is those moments when we can’t seem to avoid being angry. One of my close friends said it this way; “There are moments when we are angry because our children have sinned, but it is not an anger at them, but an anger that sin has crept into their lives.”

Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry, yet do not sin.”

Interestingly, Paul did not tell the Ephesians not to be angry; he said yet do not sin. My bible group quickly went down the path of righteous indignation as an explanation. There is some validity in that concept, but it is a slippery slope. Someone else had to bring up that in John Jesus did mention “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” How do we demonstrate love in our anger?

Some may preach that we should rid our lives of anger; I’m not sure that was God’s plan.

PHYSIOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE OF ANGER

We have to recognize that God built into us a defense mechanism for times when we are in danger; this is the fight or flight response. How does that work? Emotions more or less begin inside two almond-shaped structures in our brains, which are called the amygdala. The amygdala is so efficient at warning us about threats that it gets us reacting before the cortex (the part of the brain responsible for thought and judgment) can check on the reasonableness of our reaction. Inside your brain, neurotransmitter chemicals known as catecholamines are released. These cause you to experience a burst of energy lasting up to several minutes. You experience this burst of energy through increased heart rate and breathing. This burst is behind the common angry desire to seek immediate protection.

James 1:14-15, “but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”

Although your emotions can rage out of control, the prefrontal cortex of your brain, which is located just behind your forehead, can keep your emotions in proportion. If the amygdala handles emotion, the prefrontal cortex handles judgment. God gave us balance.

BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE OF ANGER

James 1: 19-20, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

Notice that James did not say “does not become angry,” he says “slow to become angry.” The implication is that there are situations in which we may become angry. But he tells us that anger does not produce righteousness.

Psalm 37:8, “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.”

Psalm’s tell us why; anger can lead us to evil. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:27, “do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.” Uncontrolled anger is a breeding ground for sin. Nowhere that I am aware of does the bible condone anger. It accepts that it does exist and cautions us to control it.

Colossians 3:8, “But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.”

We are to put them all aside, that is to say: don’t give them a voice. We need to step back and let our frontal cortex control our emotions and react in love.

ANGER ITSELF

If we look at the reasons we become angry, they fall into a few broad buckets. The first bucket is an easy one; it is genuine righteous indignation. This bucket is the easiest to recognize because it is the blatant disregard for scripture. It grows out of the evil acts of non-believers or hypocritical acts from firm believers. These do not fall into grey areas; they are black as coal.

Leviticus 19:17, “‘You shall not hate your fellow countryman in your heart; you may surely reprove your neighbor, but shall not incur sin because of him.”

The second bucket is perceived righteous indignation. Perceived righteous anger is the devil’s playground. Perceived righteous indignation is where we feel we have the religious high ground when our motives are purely personal. The most common is that you treated me poorly, that is ungodly, and I have the right to retribution.

Romans 12:19, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord..”

The third bucket is my most dangerous bucket. This bucket is full of pride and insecurity. Pride and insecurity are where I feel little because I am misunderstood or unheard. It is where my perceived value is diminished, and I feel inferior. These moments are where I forget that God made me great and prosperous. I forget I don’t need the validation of others to achieve God’s potential in me.

Ecclesiastes 7:9, “Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools.”

ANGER AS A PART OF LIFE

For us fallen humans, anger is a part of our lives. Many times, it raises its ugly head before we even recognize it. The best we can do is refuse to give it a voice and seek repentance and comfort in Christ when it happens. When anger does lead to sin, go back to the aggrieved person and ask for forgiveness. The act is more about repentance than actually forgiveness.

Ephesians 4:29, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”