Tag: grace

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What Seventy-Five Years Taught Me About the Moments That Matter

Moment that mattersIn my more than seventy-five years, I find it interesting that I spent fifty years doing what I love, for the most part, yet I remember data points but not the effort it took to achieve them. I have spent over thirteen thousand days perfecting my craft, and I recall facts, but most of the emotion has been lost to time. Yet a chance meeting with a stranger decades ago remains vivid in my mind. His need outweighed my inconvenience. The emotion of that encounter is real, as if it happened yesterday. I can still see his eyes. The pain in them was deeper than anything I had experienced. Later in life, I, too, would have his eyes. I, too, would know what it is like to feel emotional pain that defies words.

The things that took up most of my time and attention seem insignificant compared with those that touch my heart.

Luxuries of Growing Older

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” – Lao-Tzu

One of the luxuries of growing older is the time to look back. As we live our lives, we seldom have time to view things in the context of our entire lives. We make decisions based on immediate needs. If we are mature enough, we even set something aside for the future, without knowing what it will bring. When you have lived three-quarters of a century, that changes.

1 Corinthians 16:13: “Stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.”

I can look back on my life and see both light and darkness. I can see how decisions played out. I now know when an act of kindness was truly kind and when it only postponed the pain. I see great jobs that turned bad and bad jobs that turned out well. The same is true for people, separating true friends from lifelong acquaintances.

All of this is to say that the moments of your life pass quickly and unnoticed until one day you count them. The things that occupied most of your time and attention seem insignificant compared with those that touch your heart. All the decisions you make about survival don’t compare with those laced with compassion. In the moment, the survival decisions seem most important, but in the end, they weren’t.

Fortunate to Live a Long Life

2 Corinthians 4:16: “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”

If you are fortunate enough to live to my age, your mind does not revisit days spent at work, mowing the yard, or doing the laundry. It finds those exceptional moments. The ones that changed your life or someone else’s are the ones you treasure. You do not have to be a good person to do good. Everyone has that potential. God created it in us; we need to activate it.

Galatians 5:13: “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”

I want everyone reading this to fill their lives with exceptional moments that will remind them they are alive when old age creeps up. God has made us exceptional; we should live lives that reflect His effort. When the day comes that you have more days behind you than ahead of you, it will comfort you to know you mattered to someone. Maybe it was a moment, maybe a lifetime, but you mattered.

Epilogue

It is not the material things you gave them; it is your time, wisdom, and heart that changed the world around them.

Live well in the moments. Let the sound of your life echo through eternity.

Isaiah 46:4: “Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he; I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you, and I will rescue you.”

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I Sometimes Feel Invisible. Silence Verse Apathy

Invisible, the opposite of Love is ApathyI sometimes feel invisible. By nature, I’m a worker bee. I prefer to stay in the background. When the spotlight is on me, I’m uncomfortable. I find it hard to accept a compliment. To me, it’s not about humility; it’s about being truthful. It’s not about lacking self-confidence; it’s about being realistic. I am who I am: nothing extraordinary. I can do what God created me to do.

Philippians 2:3: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”

Life

So for a guy who likes to live in the shadows, why is invisibility a problem? I struggle with that question. I don’t want fame or recognition for greatness. A couple of decades ago, I changed my life significantly. Up to that point, my life was about me. Not in a selfish way, but in a determined one. I wanted to be the best version of me I could be. I would outwork anyone to achieve that goal. It wasn’t about money, position, or fame; it was about self-respect.

Philippians 2:4: “Not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

Then one day, God said, “Stop.” He wanted me to realize that life was never about me. It has always been about the people God puts in my path. I was to use all the resources God gave me — intelligence, relationships, experiences, and knowledge — to help others. That lifted an immense weight off my shoulders. I was no longer responsible for results, only for obedience. It was freeing beyond words.

Living in the Shadows

I stepped into the background and have lived there ever since. I like it here. I can do my thing unnoticed. I can create my own version of self-actualization by living vicariously through others’ achievements. The greatest joy of my life is watching others bloom. Every day, I have the joy and privilege of watching people younger than me begin the journey toward becoming the person God always intended them to be. Some of these people are in their twenties.

I think this is the turning point for me. At the same time, I get to see young people experimenting with life, the excitement of discovery, and the joy of becoming. On the other hand, I know they must learn from disappointment and loss.

1 Corinthians 10:24: “Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being.”

In the middle of this, I get lost. I fade so far into the background that even the shadows forget I’m there. Most of my life, this is OK, even preferred. But not always.

Apathy verse Silence

I don’t know how to present this without sounding at some level arrogant or egotistical. It is not that at all. I have lived an incredible life, with all its ups and downs, knowing how difficult it is to juggle family, work, and community. I understand why I am not the center of anyone’s universe. We are all planets, part of our own solar systems, spinning through one of many galaxies. Life is complex.

1 Thessalonians 5:11: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

My downward spiral begins when I forget that silence is not apathy. Many people trying to survive in the chaos of everyday life are silent, not because they don’t care, but because they are distracted. There is a lot to do when becoming something. Figuring out who you should be and how to achieve that goal is time-consuming. Background noise is drowned out by the cacophony of sounds coming from the moment.

Being Seen Again

We all go through moments of feeling lost. It is part of the rhythm of life. As you grow older, you experience this more often. What these people are accomplishing in their lives is something I envy. It took me forty years to learn what they already know. I want to be part of their orbit. When I am not, I feel invisible.

That is, until we meet face-to-face. Then we see each other for who we are and rejoice in that knowledge. The cloak of invisibility falls away, and I am me again. We talk about lives lived, victories won, and the scars left by learning.

Silence is seldom apathy. Sometimes it’s just life being life.

Proverbs 12:25: “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.”

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God’s Interaction and Prodding

God's Interaction and ProddingThis morning, I found myself thinking about how God interacts with me through the Holy Spirit, prodding me toward a life worth living. My mind slowly turned to why He puts certain people in my life—often people with problems.

People

I like problem-solving, but I am a sticks-and-bricks kind of guy, not a colors-and-hues kind of guy. Give me something tangible, something I can take apart, analyze, repair, or rebuild, and I am comfortable. People are different. The opportunities God presents are not always the people or problems I understand or feel equipped to handle. Sometimes, to be truthful, I would prefer not to deal with them at all.

Matthew 25:35–36, “For I was hungry, and you gave me food; I was thirsty, and you gave me drink; I was a stranger, and you welcomed me; I was naked, and you clothed me; I was sick, and you visited me; I was in prison, and you came to me.”

Some problems I just don’t get, they seem petty and small. Some people I don’t understand because their problem never changes; they just can’t seem to act. Most are self-inflicted gunshot wounds. Some situations are so painful I wish I didn’t know. But God sends them my way.

Proverbs 3:27, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.”

Opportunities

I know I do not possess a vast reservoir of knowledge or a special talent for helping people. I’m more of a worker bee. I know how to show up, work, solve what I can solve, and keep going. But I have also learned that God does not put people in my life so I can show off what I know. He puts them there so He can show me what He can do. That works well for me because I’m not on stage; he is.

1 John 3:17, “But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?”

The reality is that God places people in our lives as part of His plan for us. Through them, He shows us how He works. God provides us with answers to questions we have not yet asked. Through them, we witness amazing mini-miracles that remind us of what He is doing through and in us. By serving others, we get to go backstage to see how He performs.

Hebrews 6:10, “God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them”

Solutions

God uses these moments to help us see how and when He works. When we are in the depths of our problems, it is hard to be objective, to step outside ourselves and survey the landscape before acting. We find it hard to imagine a solution bigger than our wants.  But God does.

Matthew 25:40, “And the King will answer them, Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.”

In my life, God uses me to help others and to teach me how He helps me. The scripture that feeds their soul feeds mine. The intersection of their experience with mine is not just me being part of God’s plan for them; it is them being part of His plan for me. I’m not there to be a lifesaver or a lifeboat. I am on the sinking ship with them, watching God save us both.

Philippians 2:4, “not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

 In helping others, we help ourselves. It gives me more objectivity than I would exercise if the problem were mine. He helps me see the times He intervened in my life. God may also show me when I could have leaned on Him and didn’t.

Hebrews 13:16, “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”

Benefits

When you see someone in need, see it as part of God’s plan for your life. There is a lesson to be learned and an experience to be had that will help both them and you. Helping others is not about being a good guy. It is not about the glory of advancing God’s plan for someone else. It is about becoming the person God knows you can be. It is part of the learning curve on the path to a life worth living.

James 2:14-17, “What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.”

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Those that Truly Lead, Inspire, Passing the Test of Life

Leadership Passing the testThere are leaders, and there are those who lead. Leaders may hold positions of power; those who truly lead inspire.

There is no louder voice in your life than your character’s voice. It is the steady drumbeat that reveals the consistency of your actions over time. I have watched people of character make incredible, self-sacrificing decisions without a word. They simply did what was right because it was right—nothing more. It cost them dearly, but not nearly as much as it would have to live any other way.

Luke 8:17, “For nothing is hidden that will not become evident, nor anything secret that will not be known and come to light.”

As we strive to become the person God created us to be, we will face hard choices. Those choices reveal our character. Character emerges when doing what is right comes at a cost.

Testing

To temper steel, it must first endure intense heat. The process makes the steel tougher by reducing its hardness. Life can do the same to us. We are tested in the heat of adversity, not simply to make us harder, but to make us tougher without becoming hardened. We learn to reflect hope by letting go of bitterness and to practice humility by turning away from self-centeredness.

1 Corinthians 3:13, “each man’s work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man’s work.”

I’m reminded of a story in John chapter nine. Jesus encounters a man who had been blind from birth. His disciples immediately want to know who was responsible. Was it the man’s fault or his parents’? Jesus shifts their focus from blame. He tells them that through this man’s blindness, the works of God would be displayed.

John 9:1-4, “As He (Jesus) passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked Him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.’”

As much as I would prefer it were different, I have learned to see tests as opportunities to show others what my faith truly means. When I am in a dark place, I need most to let the light of Christ radiate through me. Darkness does not hide the light; it makes the light easier to see. These moments can become opportunities God uses to spread the Gospel through the way we live.

People within our Sphere of Influence

The people in our sphere of influence are watching how we live, and from what they see, they draw conclusions about our character. It is easy to project a positive image when everything is going right and all is well in the world. The real test comes when things are not so good. Do we still trust in Christ? Do we still project hope and reassurance when everyone around us knows our life sucks?

Ephesians 5:13, “But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.”

Very few people live in hopes of being tested. Most are like me: try me if you must, but please make it multiple-choice or fill-in-the-blank. I dread the big tests—losing someone I love, cancer, financial hardship, or losing a job. I know those tests will require supernatural strength I do not possess on my own.

But strangely enough, it is often the pop quizzes that catch me unprepared—you know, deception, anger, jealousy, impatience, pride. Too often, I fail them because I did not prepare. When the big test comes, I cram; I pray, read Scripture, and seek Christian counsel. Yet the pop quizzes arrive without warning and too often find me lacking. The Bible might describe it as a lamp without enough oil.

It is natural to turn inward during times of trouble. But we must remember that there are people within our sphere of influence watching what we do next. Some may never read the Bible, attend a church, or listen to a sermon, but they will watch us. What they see in us may shape what they believe about the God we claim to follow.

Created for Moments Like This

God has created you for moments like these. The God who spoke the universe into existence knows you, loves you, and has not abandoned you in the midst of the test. His testing is not merely intended to expose your weakness. It can become an opportunity to display His strength through you.

Paul understood this. Near the end of his letter to the Colossians, written while he was imprisoned, Paul does something remarkable. He does not primarily ask them to pray that the prison doors will open so he can escape. He asks them to pray that God will open a door for the message. His concern is not simply, How do I get out of this? His concern is, How can God use me while I am here?

Colossians 4:3-6, “At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison—that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak. Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”

That is leadership.

Conclusion

Be the one who leads—not simply because you have authority, a position, or a title, but because the way you live gives others the courage to keep going. Let your character speak before your words. Let your faith be most visible when it is most severely tested.

And when darkness comes, let your light shine brightest.

1 Peter 1:7, “so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

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I Wrote a Book

Echoes Through EternityI finished writing a book this week. It took more than two years. It wasn’t a biography or a memoir. I didn’t write about my achievements. It was about how I became me, about what happened in my life that transformed me and shaped me into who I am today.

Childhood Through Adolescence

I spent most of my early life very angry. Not at other people, but at myself. You see, I had a great father. He was a humble man who achieved great things. He quit high school at fourteen and became an itinerant farmhand, moving from job to job. When World War II broke out at 17, he lied about his age to join the Navy. He served in the Philippines on a minesweeper, clearing mines for beachhead invasions. He received two Bronze Stars for valor. His high school burned down during the war, which allowed him to attend college without a high school transcript. In college, he earned a degree in civil engineering.

He went on to become the Superintendent of Highways, the Chairman of our City Council, and the Chairman of the School Board. My dad was funny and never acted as if he were somebody. He was an incredible role model; he really was a good man. Dad was married to my mother for 72 years.

Somewhere along the line, I grew angry with myself. I never did enough, accomplished enough, or knew enough; I was consumed by anxiety about performance. That is the way I lived until my mid-forties. I wasn’t just driven; I was obsessed with my performance and accomplishments, never living up to my expectations. I was successful in business, but I never felt any relief. Despite all my earthly goods, I was not happy. By thirty, I was divorced and had a pacemaker. If someone tried to help me by giving advice, I felt humiliated because I didn’t already know what they were trying to teach me.

All of this was internalized. Outside, I was happy and well-adjusted. I didn’t want others to see my flaws. People saw me as intense and as someone who loved their work. I wish I could say that one day I broke and God fixed me, but that wasn’t what happened.

My Forties

One day in my forties, I picked up a Bible. Not because I felt God cared or even knew I existed, but because I was seeking answers. It helped. I read it cover to cover every year for about four years. I never once sought eternal salvation, only salvation from the life I lived. It calmed my anger and gave me perspective. It didn’t quench the drive within me.

Then, somehow, I came across a book by Lee Strobel titled “A Case for Christ.” Lee meticulously documented that every story in the New Testament is historically accurate. Christ lived, died, and rose again. He performed all the miracles described. I needed to go to Church. Who was this guy? This wasn’t a book of fables or stories; it was real life.

“If Jesus Christ was who He claimed to be, and He did die on a cross at a point of time in history, then, for all history past and all history future, it is relevant because that is the very focal point for forgiveness and redemption.” – Josh McDowell

Isaiah 44:22, “I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you.”

I went from church to church in search of answers. I was not, and still am not, a fan of religion. Arbitrary rules were piled onto the gospel in an attempt to segment the marketplace (Personal Bias). I ended up at a gospel-teaching church that simply preached what the Bible says. No membership rules, no membership classes, just the gospel.

For several years, I attended this church and learned about salvation. But I was still self-driven. I was perhaps calmer, friendlier, and much less angry, yet I remained focused on myself. I now wanted to be the best Tomme Stevenson God could make.

True Conversion

Then one day, a friend gave me a cassette tape of a one-man play called “The Bema.” The question was: What have you done for Christ since you met Him? My answer: Nothing. This is where my book begins. This is where true transformation began. It was when I stopped looking only at myself and started looking outward.

The book documents how an extremely logical, pragmatic person met Christ. How Christ used my life to mold me into the person I was always meant to be. How the person I am today is a light-year away from who I was. It is the tragedy of wasting almost five decades chasing meaningless things instead of living the life I was meant to live.

1 Corinthians 1:30, “It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.”

It was a lot of dumpster fires and train wrecks; I’m a hard guy to get through to at times. But every one of them had purpose and meaning. Every one of them changed me for the better. I started looking at God’s plan and moving away from mine: I started judging results not by what I wanted to achieve, but by what God had planned.

I am now more relaxed, still a type “A” personality, but living by God’s standard, not mine.  These last twenty-five years have been the best. The book is my best description of how that transformation took place. It is simple lessons from an ordinary life learning to live for Christ.

Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

P.S. if you want an electronic copy drop  me an email. It was created for my family, but otherwise not completely unreadable.

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Whose Side Are You On?

Whose side are you on?,Whose side are you on? I forgot the importance of that question.

Today, as on many days, I struggle to make sense of my sin. I have a good life. I want for nothing essential. God has blessed me beyond my expectations. I am not rich by worldly standards, but I am rich enough. And yet I struggle much the way Paul did.

The Challenge

I have returned from a very trying trip to Honduras. The people are great, the food is great, and we are making very good progress, but it hasn’t gone smoothly. It took way too long to be granted entry to our quarters because the on-duty guard exercised his authority. The cars behind us in line were honking in dismay. He did not have to, but he could; he was the gatekeeper. The flight back was delayed and had several gate changes, pushing my arrival to 3 a.m. the next day. I didn’t react well to either of these situations. On a good day, travel is challenging; I’m experienced enough to know this.

One of the people accompanying me had a health issue, so I had to teach and write business plans. My schedule became highly flexible. None of this was outside God’s plan, but it was outside mine. It reminded me of a passage in Joshua.

Joshua 5:13-14, “Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, “Are you for our enemies or for us?’ “Neither,” he replied, “but as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come.” Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence and asked him, “What message does my Lord have for his servant?’”

The Reality

“There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him.” – C. S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

Joshua asked whether the angel was on his side or his enemy’s, and the Angel answered, “Neither.” I am reminded that God’s plan is always right and good, regardless of how it aligns with mine. Delays and changes do not affect God’s outcome. My stress and anxiety are mine, not His. God does not take sides. There is only one side, His.

Isaiah 45:19, “I, the Lord, speak the truth; I declare what is right.”

Sometimes my will overrides my common sense. God’s plan will always prevail. I am part of His plan, not the other way around. I was not in Honduras because I had a plan for the Honduran people I was an invited guest in God’s plan for them. It wasn’t my schedule that mattered; it was His. I will not see the outcome until this side of heaven.

I recall hearing this story once about Abraham Lincoln. It is said that a group of ministers approached Lincoln and prayed that God would be with him during his presidency. Lincoln did not want God to endorse his plan, but he wanted to follow God’s plan.

Abraham Lincoln’s reply was:
“It is my constant anxiety and prayer that I and this nation should be on the Lord’s side.” – Francis B. Carpenter’s Six Months at the White House with Abraham Lincoln, first published in 1866.

He didn’t want to proceed, thinking God was doing his bidding, but he was actually doing God’s. That is an important message we all need to hear. If you are in the middle of God’s plan for your life, no delay, inconvenience, or rescheduling is a surprise to God. It is all part of the plan.

Job 8:3, “Does God pervert justice? Does the Almighty pervert what is right?”

The Conclusion

It is easy to get caught up in our plans. Plan your work, work your plan. We get the illusion of being in control. God must break that illusion to bring us back to Him.

Obedience is our only responsibility, not the process or the results. We are to make ourselves available to God and use what He has given us. He will do what we can’t. I forget this at times, which leads to stress and anxiety. Neither is part of God’s plan for me.

Psalm 111:7, “The works of His hands are truth and justice; All His precepts are sure.”

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Heroes vs. Survivors

Heroes vs SurvivorsHeroes vs. survivors. We don’t grow up wanting to be just survivors. I think most of us grow up wanting to be heroes because heroes are simple.

HEROES

Heroes leap over tall buildings. They rescue people from burning buildings. They charge into battle as swelling music plays behind them. Their victories are clear and decisive. The credits roll, and everyone knows who saved the day.

Real life rarely works that way.

Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Real life is getting up when you don’t want to. It is going to work after receiving bad news. Real life is burying someone you love and still finding the strength to comfort others at the funeral. It is waking the next morning after a failure and paying the bills anyway. Real life is forgiving someone who never apologized. It is choosing not to become cruel even though life has given you every excuse. Real life is learning to trust again. It is carrying grief without letting it poison your ability to love.

Real life is survival with your emotions intact.

SURVIVAL

Philippians 4:13, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

That may be one of the hardest things a person can do. Survival, by itself, isn’t rare. Human beings are remarkably resilient. We can become numb, shut down, and harden ourselves until nothing gets in or out.

But surviving with your humanity intact is different. That is the difference between merely enduring and truly surviving.

Surviving is enduring suffering while remaining compassionate. It is knowing betrayal and still trusting. It means facing bitterness and still choosing hope. Survivors experience injustice and still believe in people’s worth.

That isn’t flashy. No action figures are made for that. No child dresses up for Halloween as “The Person Who Kept Showing Up Despite Their Grief.”

SCARS

Isaiah 55:8-9, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

And yet, those are the people who quietly hold the world together. They don’t say, “I lost.” They say, “It left scars.”

Scars are evidence of healing. They are not proof that nothing happened. They are proof that something happened and that you endured.

The ancient warrior people we admired were covered in scars. The difference is that we romanticize the scars we can see and overlook those carried in silence.

REAL HEROES

Isaiah 40:29, “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”

I have traveled thousands of miles to sit with struggling entrepreneurs. I’ve taught students who may never remember my name. I’ve written about pain not to display it but to help others navigate their own. I’ve continued to exercise, learn, serve, and hope, even while carrying losses I rarely describe in detail. That is life.

I know we resist the word “hero,” and I understand why. We associate it with exceptional people who do what ordinary people cannot.

But perhaps there is another definition. Maybe a hero isn’t someone who avoids fear. Maybe a hero is simply someone who refuses to surrender their humanity.

Someone who keeps showing up, absorbing hardship without passing it on.

Someone who says, “This pain stops with me.”

It is the person who can still laugh, still teach, still encourage, and still notice the person sitting alone in the corner after life has taken its swings.

You may never feel like an action figure. Most survivors don’t. They know too much about their failures, doubts, anger, exhaustion, and limitations to believe in the mythology.

But if I had to choose between following the invincible hero who has never bled and the scarred survivor who says, “I’ve been knocked down more than once. I don’t have all the answers, but I know you can take one more step because I’ve taken it myself,”

I CHOOSE

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

I would choose the survivor every time.

Because survivors don’t offer fantasy, they offer hope. Not the hope that life won’t wound us, but the hope that wounds don’t have the final word.

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God Never Intended Us to Stay the Same

God never expects us to stay the same.God Never Intended for us to Stay the Same. Many Christians can point to the moment they accepted Christ. They remember the day, the place, and the circumstances. It marked the beginning of a relationship that changed their eternal future. Yet for many believers, that is where the story seems to stop.

Dallas Willard once described what he called “Vampire Christians.” These are people who want the benefits of Christ without becoming His disciples. They want forgiveness, not transformation. They want salvation, not surrender.

While the phrase may sound harsh, it raises an important question: Did God save us simply so we could go to Heaven one day, or is He trying to accomplish something in us now?

A Greater Purpose

The Bible points to a greater purpose. God is not merely preparing a place for us; He is preparing us for that place. His goal is to shape us into the likeness of Christ.

Romans 8:29 “to be conformed to the image of His Son.”

That means Christianity is not simply about what we believe. It is about who we are becoming.

This transformation begins when we learn the heart of Jesus.

Ezekiel 36:26, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

When faced with everyday decisions, do we ask what Christ would do? Does our faith shape how we treat our families, conduct our business, respond to frustration, and serve our neighbors? Christianity was never meant to be practiced only on Sunday mornings. It is meant to shape every part of our lives.

Often God’s work in us comes through circumstances we would never choose for ourselves.

I asked for strength, and God gave me difficulties that required it. When I asked for wisdom, and He gave me problems to solve. If I asked for courage, and He placed me in situations that demanded it. I asked for love, and He brought hurting people into my path.

God’s gifts do not always arrive in attractive packaging.

Trials

James reminds us to view trials as opportunities for growth because they cultivate perseverance and maturity. The challenges we face are often the tools God uses to shape us into the people He created us to be.

James 1:2-4, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Transformation is not something we accomplish alone. The Holy Spirit works within us to change our desires, guide our actions, and cultivate Christlike character. The fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—serves as evidence that God is actively at work in a person’s life.

2 Corinthians 3:17-18, “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”

The Holy Spirit also equips each believer with unique gifts. These gifts are not given for our benefit alone but to serve others and advance God’s purposes. Part of spiritual maturity is learning how God designed us and using those abilities faithfully to help those around us.

Like physical growth, spiritual growth requires participation.

A person does not become physically strong by owning gym equipment. Strength comes from regular exercise. Likewise, spiritual strength develops through regular practices that draw us closer to God.

Prayer, Scripture, silence, solitude, worship, and service are not religious obligations. They are exercises for the soul. Over time, they shape our thoughts, attitudes, and actions.

Goal

The goal is not perfection. The goal is progress.

Most meaningful change happens slowly. It results from thousands of small acts of obedience repeated over a lifetime. As habits form, old patterns lose their grip, and new ones begin to emerge.

God never intended us to remain as we were. He loves us enough to accept us where we are, but He loves us too much to leave us there.

The Christian life is not merely about arriving in Heaven someday. It is about becoming more like Christ today. Every challenge, every opportunity, and every act of obedience becomes part of God’s ongoing work of transformation.

The question is not whether God is working.

The question is whether we are willing to cooperate with what He is doing.

William Temple: “God’s purpose is to make us like Christ; God’s way is to fill us with His Spirit.”

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Another Year

Another year, another birthdayAnother year, another Birthday has arrived.

Preparation for old age should begin no later than one’s teens. A life that is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled upon retirement. – Dwight L. Moody

At 76, I have gained something many people never do: perspective. Not because life has been easy, but because I have stayed engaged with it. I have seen success and disappointment, opportunity and poverty, faith and doubt, and love and loss across cultures and continents.

Job 12:12, “Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life…. bring understanding?”

When I was younger, I measured life by milestones. Today, I measure it by opportunities. Opportunities to learn, to help, to encourage, and to leave something behind that matters. The milestones fade. The opportunities shape us.

When I was young, birthdays seemed to be about getting older. Somewhere along the way, I realized they are really about getting another chance to live.

Life rarely unfolds as we imagine. We begin with plans, dreams, and expectations. Then reality arrives. We encounter obstacles we never anticipated, losses we never wanted, and lessons we never volunteered to learn.

The road is rarely smooth.

Proverbs 4:7, “The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it costs all you have, get understanding.”

There are victories worth celebrating, yet they often arrive disguised as struggles. The promotion follows years of sacrifice. Wisdom follows mistakes. Strength follows hardship. Compassion is often born of pain.

Looking back, I can see that some of the greatest blessings in my life arrived disguised as disappointment.

Isaiah 46:4, “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you.”

The challenges were not interruptions in life; they were life itself.

The failures taught me humility. The setbacks taught me perseverance. The heartbreak taught me empathy. The uncertainty taught me faith.

I would not have chosen many of those experiences, yet I would not be who I am without them.

Psalms 37:25, “I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken.”

As the years pass, I find myself less impressed by achievement and more by endurance.

I admire those who keep going:

    • The people who get back up after life knocks them down.
    • The people who continue loving after loss.
    • The people who continue to hope even when circumstances offer little reason to do so.
    • The people who quietly do what is right when no one is watching.

The world often celebrates the extraordinary moment. I have come to appreciate the extraordinary life built on ordinary faithfulness.

    • One day at a time.
    • One decision at a time.
    • One act of kindness at a time.
    • One step forward at a time.

Psalms 92:14, “They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green.”

Birthdays have also taught me something about gratitude.

    • I am grateful for the people who walked beside me, even if only for a season.
    • I am grateful for those who encouraged me when I doubted myself.
    • I am grateful to those who challenged me because they helped shape me.
    • I am grateful for the opportunities God placed before me and for the strength He provided when the path became difficult.

Most of all, I am grateful that God is not finished with me yet.

    • Every sunrise is evidence of purpose.
    • Every breath is a gift.
    • Every day is another chance to learn, to serve, to encourage, and to leave the world a little better than we found it.

I do not know how many birthdays remain ahead of me. None of us does.

But I know this: Life is not measured by the number of years we are given. It is measured by how we live them.

So today I celebrate—not because I am another year older, but because I have been given another year to run the race.

    • Another year to learn.
    • Another year to serve.
    • Another year to love.
    • Another year to grow.

And until I run out of time or money, whichever comes first, I intend to keep running.

Psalm 90:12, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

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Buried but Not Forgotten

Buried PainBuried but not forgotten, I was asked today to join a panel to discuss one of the most painful events of my life. The purpose is noble: to help others understand pain, survival, and the hidden struggles people carry. We go through these stages to refine ourselves and become more human in our interactions with others.

We live in a broken world where pain is an inevitable part of our lives. Because we only know our own experiences, it is hard to imagine others going through the same thing. Our pain is unique to us.

John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Buried

What you have gone through prepares you to help others. It makes you relatable. It also gives you the experience to know that you can survive and thrive in a world that is doing its best to crush you. That is an important message to pass on.

But pain is pain. Much of it I have buried deep in the ground. I have even removed the headstone so I do not go back to revisit it. It is part of me. It influences decisions in subtle, subconscious ways. I don’t have to make friends with it. I need to understand it and find a way forward without letting it dictate my life. And I have.

Hebrews 13:5, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Now I have been asked to resurrect it. I have been asked to go deep into the woods and find the indentation in the ground marking its resting place. I must search for it. Remember where and why I buried it. Then I have to revive it, bring it back to life in front of others.

Resurrected

I don’t know how. I’ve gone over it and over it in my mind. How do I talk about something so personal without being condescending or glib? How do I keep from masking the hurt and shame while staying honest? No one, not even my closest and dearest friend, knows the whole story. Mostly to protect the other party, partly to protect myself.

I’m afraid I have no advice today except this. That day, the one that changed my life forever, was not a hard decision. It came naturally.

God said, “Do this,” and I did.

I think it saved a life.

But it cost me everything.

To the outside world, it was a failure on a grand scale. But to me, there was no plan “B”. I have never regretted it, and given the chance, I would do it again.

Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Living

But there is a scar that runs deep. Every once in a while, I gently rub my hand over it to remind myself I am still alive. I have to do that because I am human, and until that changes, I will feel pain from time to time.

I have a God who has never abandoned me, even in the moments when I could not understand the cost. In my darkest hour, He is there. There is nothing I will ever go through that is a surprise to Him. And, if I allow, He will use it for my good.

2 Corinthians 12:9, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

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