Tag: Insecurity

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A Fine Line Between Humble and Insecure

There is a fine line between humble and insecure. That line sometimes is almost invisible. God calls us to be humble but not insecure. I sometimes struggle with this. I don’t always know when I cross the line between humility and insecurity.

Proverbs 27:2, "Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips."

Humility

Everything you will ever possess, whether wealth, intelligence, influence, experiences, or relationships, is intricately woven into God’s grand design for your life. This divine plan extends even to the disappointments, struggles, detours, and dead ends you may encounter. Some of these obstacles result from our actions, requiring God’s rescue, while others serve as valuable lessons that contribute to our future. God reigns supreme over all circumstances.

We must understand that God loves us unconditionally, and His purpose for our life, encompassing all our imperfections, forms the very foundation of our existence. I consider myself fortunate to have had a father who consistently instilled humility in me. Despite his remarkable achievements, including receiving two Bronze Stars for his service as a seaman in World War Two, serving as the Superintendent of Highways, President of the City Council, and President of the School Board, he always emphasized humility.

I vividly recall a particular morning, as I was leaving for grade school and my father was heading to work when the garbage collector made his rounds on our street. My dad pointed toward him and asked me why the garbage collector didn’t have the same occupation as him. Dad’s response was simple: he had chosen his path, just as every individual can achieve great things by following their chosen pursuits. It’s worth noting that, in our small town, the garbage collector was highly respected and a shrewd businessman. His son even became a lawyer, serving the local community to this day.

Proverbs 30:7-9, "Two things I ask of you, Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the Lord?' Or I may become poor and steal and so dishonor the name of my God."

Insecurity

When is it that we cross the line between humble and insecure? We all do it at times. Mostly it happens when we start to compare ourselves to others. Rarely do we look at those less influential and take pride in our accomplishments; instead, we tend to fixate on those who are more influential, using them as a yardstick to gauge what we should do differently. When we fixate on others, we create a faults narrative. God uniquely created each of us for the specific plan He has for us. No two of us are created the same or have the same plan; comparison is irrelevant.

Even with this knowledge, I falter. My weakness lies in feeling I am not making a difference. I harbor insecurities that stem from believing the work I do does not have value. Being introverted, overly logical (sometimes to a fault), and exceedingly pragmatic contributes to this perception. I genuinely dislike—and that’s not too strong of a word—talking about myself. I cringe when someone says, “Tell me about yourself.” What I cherish about myself is my ordinariness. Sometimes, I mistake being common for falling short, being unworthy, or believing I do not have significance. But these are falsehoods. God uniquely crafted me as His child, perfectly designed for the great future He has in store for me.

Luke 12:6-7, "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

I lose sight of that; forgetting that God cherishes me for being who I am. I have people who love me and care about me; I struggle to recognize it because of my insecurity. The world I paint is not the world that exists.

Life

Francis Chan, in his book “Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God” states, ‎”Do you know that nothing you do in this life will ever matter unless it is about loving God and loving the people he has made?” He says, “We never grow closer to God when we just live life. It takes deliberate pursuit and attentiveness.”

Our actual value lies in looking beyond ourselves. When we dedicate our lives to serving God’s people, we no longer define our worth solely based on our perceptions but on its significance to Him. Through service, humility naturally emerges as a byproduct. There is no room for insecurity or competition when the outcome rests solely in God’s hands.

Regi Campbell’s book “Radical Wisdom,” says, “Turn your knob to humble and watch as people are drawn to you, want to help you, have empathy for you and your situation.”

Humility harbors strength within. It exhibits confidence in who God has created us to be. It radiates an aura of invincibility, unaffected by the opinions of others. Others consider a humble individual confident in the face of adversity, holding authority over their circumstances without exerting power over others.

Insecurity is a product of our perception of a worldly view; it has no place in God’s world.

“When I am consumed by my problems, stressed out about my life, my family, and my job, I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God’s command always to rejoice.” ― Francis Chan, Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God

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Moral Insincerity

Proverbs 3:26, “For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.”

I am not your typical reader. I very seldom take information at face value. Typically, I would not pass on an opinion unless I emphasized it was not mine or researched it to assure myself I could defend it. That is why I found this piece of research interesting. Zoe Chance, associate professor of marketing at Yale University, did a study on self-deception. This study showed how ingrained self-deception was.

Romans 12:3, “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.”

In the study, Ms. Chance first gave two groups of subjects an IQ test. One group was given the test without an answer key; the other had the answer key at the bottom of the test. The group with the answer key did better. The deception comes in when they were asked to retake the test without the answer key and predict their outcome. The second group predicted that the outcome would be the same. They fooled themselves into believing that they had known the answers. Of course, it wasn’t the same; they all did more poorly. Even when the subject group was given a financial incentive for predicting the outcome, they still guessed wrong. The lure of financial gain did not deter them from overstating their performance. In reality, even money could not puncture their inflated self-belief.

There have been several studies on the concept of moral insincerity. They all demonstrate that if we lie to ourselves enough, we begin to see it as a truth. Self-deception allows us to overlook the repercussions on others so that we can believe we are generally acting morally.

“Self-deception means that we can continue to see ourselves as good people” – Uri Gneezy.

I came face to face with this in my life. About a decade ago, I realized that I had inflated my self-worth.  Over the years, I have slowly and methodically enhanced my past. They were all baby steps, no out-and-out lies, just little exaggerations. I was taking historical license to my own story. I crafted the narrative to fit the circumstances. My experience proved that if you do this long enough, you create a person who never existed.  Ah, to be that person.

Hebrews 10:35-36, “So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”

I am still struggling with undoing the narrative and rediscovering the truth. I try to avoid discussing personal accomplishments so that I may get back to the truth and not confuse people with what I have said in the past; I don’t want to present a false humility. I had to go back into my past documents to rediscover the truth. It had been molded, bent, and compromised to the point I didn’t know it, and it was my life; I lived it.

I don’t think I am alone in wanting to matter. We all want the life we’ve lived to mean something. Earlier in life, I didn’t know what that phrase meant. I thought living a life that meant something was to accomplish material gain or status. Now I understand that the world that God created consists of relationships, not accomplishments. To matter is to have changed a life for the better. It is to allow someone else to stand on your shoulders to reach higher than you could. To be something is to drive an eternal emotion of gratitude from someone else.

I say this as both a confession and an encouragement. God has made us incredible creatures. What we can accomplish seems endless. The beauty, artistry, and creativity He embedded within us is amazing. When we focus on worldly temporal goals and achievements, we limit our true potential. When we focus on changing a life for eternity, we realize our potential.

2 Timothy 1:7, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

To accomplish that potential in God’s Kingdom doesn’t require you to be anything more than who you are. The bumps and bruises are the battle ribbons of being human. Falling short yet standing firm is a better story than succeeding. The character of a Godly person accepts failure as a learning experience. The side roads and the rabbit trails are the cautions we pass on that make the next generation stronger.

Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

We spend too much time watching videos of other people’s perfect days and aspiring to live them. Influencers dictate self-view and drive moral insincerity. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among children and adolescents aged 10–14 and adults aged 25–34 years.  In 2020, men died by suicide 3.88x more than women. 

2 Corinthians 12:9, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

When we start lying to ourselves, we start the destructive process of elevating expectations in others. When we only present the positive side of our life experiences, we subtly teach others that negative experiences are taboos. We don’t deceive ourselves to harm others, we do it to embellish ourselves, but the harm still happens. It creates a slowly eroding sense of worth, of not keeping up.  

Be good to yourself. Love who you are and who God made you. Encourage others that imperfections are what makes us unique. See that when you lie to yourself about who you are, you not only harm your self-perception, you create a false expectation in others.

1 Corinthians 2:3-5, “And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.”

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When Humbleness Turns to Insecurity

The title should have been “How to Lift Yourself up Out of the Mud to Stand on Dry Ground,” but it was too long.

We all go through times when life sucks. For some of us, it means complete alienations; for others, it is loneliness, a hollow feeling that hangs over us.  There are times when insecurity engulfs us like a dense cold fog rolling in from the ocean on a moonless night. We all struggle with this at times. For me, it is not a perpetual state of being but a season of unworthiness.

I think of John 11 when Lazarus has died, and Jesus comes several days later. Martha meets Him and asks why He didn’t come earlier when He could have healed Him. Martha knows Lazarus will be raised in the last days but thinks it is too late to save him now. There are times when we should know salvation is ours, but question what about today? There will eventually be joy in Heaven, but what do we do until we get there? Will there be relief this side of Heaven?

WHEN HUMBLENESS TURNS TO INSECURITY

What happens when our humbleness turns to insecurity? How do we cope when we pass over that tipping point and start to believe our trash talk when we start buying into the sin-is-greater-than-love scenario. As humans, we all do this at times. We let our regret and guilt override our knowledge of who we are in Christ.

1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

God forgives, but do we? I know that I am saved by grace and not by works so that no man may boast. But is that enough for me today? Do I find peace in the fact that I have grieved God and others and been forgiven? I don’t know about you, but some days it is not enough to be forgiven; I need repatriation. I need an act of restoration. I need to somehow show my worthiness for forgiveness.

Ephesians 2:8-9, “For by grace you were saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is a gift of God, not a results of works, so that no man may boast.”

I can’t change the past, but I do manage to relive it. I mull it over and over in my mind wishing it had never happened. I punish myself even when God has forgiven me. Why? Because I separate the eternal from the worldly. I accept that I have been given eternal life through Christ’s death on the cross, but I still want earthly peace through some final act of attrition. There are days when I am Martha. God, I get that you love me unconditionally; I get that through your sacrifice on the cross, I will live with you forever in Heaven, but what about the guilt I feel today? Have you arrived in my life too late to heal me of my past?

WHEN DO WE GET TO THE FEEL-GOOD PART?

First of all, try to keep things in perspective. This feeling is an in-the-moment issue; it is not an eternal issue. For Christians, this is not a desperate need for salvation that is already assured. It can seem like a desperate need for acceptance. I made a horrible decision over 40 years ago that was a correction decision to a previous atrocious decision. Unfortunately, that is what happens with sin; sin begets further sin. I have lived with the guilt of these decisions. I see the parties involved from time to time. Each time I see them, it reminds me of my weakness. Had I made the first decision correctly, I would not have hurt so many people afterward.

It has all been forgiven, both by God and the offended parties, but not by me. I know that there was a domino effect from my decisions that eventually made other people better off. I would never want to reverse their future happiness by erasing my wrong decision. This story is part of the “God works in strange ways “discussion, but my guilt remains. It is one of the echoes of the past that makes me question my worthiness. If we are honest with ourselves, we recognize that we have them. They are barriers to living a life worth living.

THE GOOD PART

Spoiler alert: Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. He was not too late.

Most self-doubt is created by a historical focus overriding our eternal focus. We forget that God put us here for good works prepared for us in advance. (Get the first part in the verse below; We are God’s handiwork.) There is no need to continue to dredge up the past, we will, but it is a waste of time.

Ephesians 2:10, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Here is what is essential for those who believe in Christ

2 Corinthians 5:10, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.”

For Christians, it is not The Great White Throne Judgment, described in Revelation 20. God will not judge us for our past sins; they are already forgiven. God will hold us accountable for what we have done for Christ since we knew Him. This judgment is not to determine our worthiness to spend eternity with Christ; we have already been accepted to Heaven; it is a review of our fruit derived from that relationship. 

Romans 14:12, “So then everyone of us shall give account of himself to God.”

Back many years ago, I was given a cassette tape, you read that right, of a one-person play performed by  Pete Briscoe, “The Judgement Seat of Christ.” This is a link to the video for those of you that no longer have a cassette player. The original book was written by Tim Stevenson, with no relationship. It talks about The BEMA, the judgment seat of Christ that we must all stand before. It changed my view of Christianity. It moved me from a self-view to an others-view. It shifted my focus away from me being a better person to serving others just as I am.

I don’t know that I will ever get over my past sin. I know there will be times when it comes back to haunt me. But if I can check my self-incrimination and turn my focus to why I am here, I can get past it. Life here on earth can be joyful and peaceful. God does not want us to live a life of regret and guilt. He wants us to enjoy the fullness of His presence.

As hard as it is to believe, our past is forgiven and gone. If we waste our time fretting over the past rather than doing the good works prepared for us to do now; well, we build up more regret and guilt.

James 1:22 “But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves.”

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