A Journey to Joy

I have had a few tenuous days. At times I become hypersensitive. I let small things become big things in my mind. Like a petulant child, I stamp my feet and demand attention. I hold my breath until my face turns blue, somehow thinking others will stop me. Mostly it entertains the people around me as they await the body to overcome my silliness with its natural desire to survive.  Today, pure joy has filled my heart.

How do we transition from self-centered hypersensitivity to pure joy? Let me tell you about my journey. It started a few days ago when I felt slighted. The curious thing about this act of betrayal is that the person I perceived slighted me, had no idea of the event. You see, it wasn’t a betrayal, it wasn’t even an oversight, it was a logical decision. But I took offense.

The Takeoff

Now, because I see myself as a good guy, I wasn’t going to draw attention to the offense. Really, why would I air my concern, talk it out, realize my stupidity, and apologize? That doesn’t seem Godly. No, I internalized it. I got whiny and selfish and self-centered. I prayed a lot, I hiked a lot, and I didn’t sleep much. I wrote 2,314 words trying to understand it. Emotions are peculiar things; they defy logic. You can absolutely know something is right or wrong, yet feel the opposite. I know my place in the universe, yet I keep getting lost. I feel God’s presence; I can almost feel his touch, but my garbled inner thoughts are what I hear.  As I said, I’m an ordinary all-American good guy.

This quote ricochet through my mind ““Don’t ruin other people’s happiness just because you can’t find your own.”

The Journey

The way I distract myself is to throw myself into a project. This project gives my mind something to do besides vent. It puts distance between me and the problem. The project I launched into was a project for the very same person whom I thought had slighted me. You see, my father gave me an overwhelming sense of commitment. You say you are going to do something, you do it, end of the story. I don’t know if you noticed, but I am a really good guy, so despite the slight, I will keep my commitment.

It is at this point God said, “Thank you for shutting up; now I can talk.” You see, everything I had done up to this point was to explain to God my righteousness. I was selling God from my point of view. Remember, I am the good guy in this story. I am the offended party. I deserve restitution. Job and I had a long talk about this and concluded I was right to feel offended.

Galatians 6:4 “Let each one examine his own work. Then he can take pride in himself and not compare himself with someone else. “

I needed the official company name to finish the project, so I went to my friend’s website to find it. What I found was the friend I dearly love. They have this incredible way of writing that shows the love of God that is beyond description. At that moment, God settled me down and spoke to me. He took the anxiety, fear, self-centeredness, and turned it to joy. I was transformed in a moment.

James 1:22, “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”

The Landing

Here is my advice for overcoming hypersensitivity. Find a Godly author who truly speaks to you, that person, whose cadence, tenor, and flow, is in sync with the beating of your heart. The writers in the Bible all speak and think differently. Contemporary Christian authors each have their distinct voice. When you find your voice in the words of another, treasure it, protect it. In times when your own words fail, you can lean on them.

I have mine, and it is a privilege to know them as an author and a friend.

Philippians 2:14-16, “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life”