Compassion for a Stranger

Why is it easier to have compassion for a stranger than for those we know? I was watching a police drama on Britbox about a criminologist who had schizophrenia. I’m not sure what the original intent of having this personality type for the show was, but it brought back memories. I lived a while with someone who was mildly schizophrenic. It was difficult on me but far more difficult for them.

The imaginary people that came and went in their lives were people that understood them. Because they were figments of their own making, they carried the same traits as them; they understood them. Imagine what it would be like to find out the only people who truly understood you were imaginary. The people who didn’t understand what you were going through were real. Put yourself in their shoes, going through that disappointment repeatedly; all the people who made you feel better about yourself weren’t real.

Compassion costs. It is easy to argue, criticize, and condemn, but redemption is costly, and comfort draws from the deep. Brains can argue, but it takes heart to comfort. – Samuel Chadwick

1 Peter 3:8, “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”

Difficult People

Why can we demonstrate compassion for a stranger but struggle to show that same compassion to someone close to us? The compassion we demonstrate is not only relational to our caring; it sometimes is relational to our convenience. People who are difficult to understand take energy and patience; we cope in small measures. Those that we see often take too much energy. That one-day mission trip to the inner city makes us feel good because we can be the person we want to be for a short time. The day-in and day-out struggle to show compassion to those close to us reminds us of how far away we are from that person.

Philippians 2:1-3, “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in Spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves.”

My experience helped me develop patience, which is easy when love is involved. It is much harder to develop when it is easy to walk away. Walking away solves immediate internal problems; staying takes tenacity, patience, and, most of all, courage. When I can take a day to interact with a homeless person in the inner city who has gone through a lot but can walk away at sunset, I can feel self-assured that I did something for another less fortunate person. I feel inadequate and vulnerable when I stare into the eyes of someone I love, knowing I can’t help them overcome their pain. As a human in a broken world, I need all the feel-good I can find.

Difficult Situations

It is three AM, and I am writing this by lamplight, knowing I must wake up in a few hours. But I woke with this in my mind; sleep had abandoned me because compassion overwhelmed me. I know the person I once loved; they reappear occasionally but are mostly lost. I see their struggles in the eyes of strangers. It reminds me that I can not fix everything, even the important things. But compassion for a stranger is easier, and it’s temporary. I am blessed not to live in their world; I can return to mine.

Psalm 112:4, “Even in darkness, light dawns for the upright, for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous.”

We live in a dysfunctional, broken world that is not fair. People get dealt bad hands. Compassion is about feeling what they feel, with all its pain, suffering, and madness. We are not their savior; only Christ can save them. But we can have compassion for those God puts in front of us. That is what Christ did for us when He took up the cross. Christ felt our pain, suffering, and madness. He paid the price for all the bad in our lives.

We Love Because He Loved Us First.

1 John 4:19, “We love each other because he loved us first.”

We can put ourselves aside for a moment and try to see life through their eyes. We can try to help them feel normal for a few minutes in their lives. Genuine compassion comes at a high price; we must be vulnerable. We must accept that we can’t fix some things, especially people. But we can love them, even at difficult times. Genuine compassion is the ability to do that repeatedly for the same dysfunctional people in our lives. It’s not only mental illness; sometimes, it’s chronic anger, self-centeredness, or general sinfulness that holds them hostage.

We are the lucky ones; we can walk away. They never get to feel that relief.

Colossians 3:12, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”