Disconsolate Love

What brings me to my knees is that lonely dark domicile of desperation. It is the oppression of my soul. It is the unquenchable hunger to be loved, accompanied by the nonsensical perception that I am not. It is not quiet desperation; it is a roar, a thunder; it is the sound of a thousand freight trains overwhelming my existence. There is no foe to be defeated. There is only a vast endless nothingness to fill. My brain shuts down, and I am lost.

There is no greater sadness then the thought of not being loved. These thoughts defy logic. We have family and friends, but in these times, they don’t seem to be enough. The hole is too big, and we are too small. It is not their ability to give that creates this vacuum, but our ability to accept.

I have been there, praying that a merciful God would not allow the sun to rise on another day of my life. Thankfully He knew better.

Two Great Truths

Truth One

John 15:9, “Jesus loves us with the same love that the Father loves him.”

The God of the universe loves you, specifically you. The God of the universe that created billions of stars, billions of light-years across, who also created 7 billion people, multitudes of animals and fish, a staggering number of insects, molecules, atoms, and sub-atomic particles, knows you with absolute clarity, and loves you.

Psalm 139:13-16. “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

You are unique in God’s kingdom. You were created for a specific purpose. God’s greatest joy is to see you achieve that. You were created to further God’s Kingdom on earth. You are that important.

These two great passages show the extent He will go to that you might know His love.

John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

That God cared so much for you that he gave, that which is most precious to Himself, for your atonement. He could have wiped us out and started over. But God loves you; you are worth more than any of His other creations.

Then comes the big part. God could have wanted to save His creation. He could watch over us because He has compassion over the whole of what He has done. We could be a grand experiment that He didn’t want to end. But then there is the second passage.

John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

He calls us friends. We are not organic matter in a petri dish; we are His friends. When you pray, you are not talking to a dispassionate God who is benevolent toward His creation. You are talking with your best friend that wants everything for you.

Truth Two

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.

God wants you to experience love and acceptance. It is not enough for Him to want you to know of His love for you; he wants you to experience what He experiences when He loves you.

1 John 4:19, “We love because He first loved us.”

The hardest part of climbing out of the pit of despair is taking the first step. The effort required to put one foot in front of another seems massive. The single nugget of encouragement I can give you is that God never fails. Trust me, God doesn’t want this for you. We live in a fallen world that sometimes deals us a bad hand. It is God alone that can and will deliver you. Healing starts when we decide to give to others what has been given to us. When we reach out to show love when we least feel it, it is the act of loving others that heals us. Don’t focus on tomorrow or next week. Get through today by turning your attention toward showing God’s love to someone else.

Romans 8:37-39, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”