Kindness

Colossians 3:12, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”

Kindness (noun): the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate; a kind act. — English Oxford Living Dictionaries

We are wired to do acts of kindness; the longer we think about it, the less kind we become. We negate the natural tendency to be kind by overthinking the return on investment. Being kind is intuitive; it is the way God made us. It is part of the design specification from before the universe was formed.

FOR THE GEEK IN YOU

God designed us so that we would benefit from acts of kindness. Kindness produces a significant hormone, oxytocin, “the love hormone.” Oxytocin is associated with stress reduction; it achieves this by inhibiting sympathoadrenal and stress response activity, which includes preventing the release of adrenal corticoids. Oxytocin acts both on the psychological level, increasing bond formation, and on the physiological level, via inhibiting stress hormone release and producing opiate-like effects. (The Science of Kindness).

This explanation is science-speak for “Kindness makes you feel good,” both emotionally and physically. So, why did God create this natural reaction to acts of kindness, and what does God say we should do about it? How do we integrate this into our everyday lives so that they are not individual disconnected acts?

LEAD WITH COMPASSION, FOLLOW WITH KINDNESS

Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Let’s start with the basics. We are, and always will be, sinners. God could hold that against us, but He has compassion for His creation. It is through this compassion that He expresses kindness toward us. Without compassion, there would be no foundation for kindness. We would be rebellious, wayward sinners unworthy of reconciliation. His compassion toward us paves the way for His kindness to us.

We are to mirror God to others. To do that, we need to build a foundation of compassion toward those we do not see as worthy of compassion before our acts of kindness start to looking like genuine kindness. We can be obedient without experiencing kindness. We can act out of obligation or submission without being kind.

Ephesians 4:29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

A place we might start is to heed Ephesians 4:29. If we focus our speech on building up those less fortunate, it leaves little room for criticism. Whenever we emphasize a fault or weakness, we should instead point out virtue or strength. Would we start to look at people differently? If we do, we start to see the gifts God gave them rather than their shortcomings? Once we recognize their unique value, we can more easily show kindness. Kindness no longer becomes an act of submission or obligation but becomes an act of gratitude.

Matthew 5:24, “leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”

Matthew reminds us that we must first make our gift worthy before presenting it to Christ. So you make kindness a worthy gift by making its foundation, compassion.

GIVE TO GIVE, NOT TO RECEIVE

Luke 6:35, “But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.”

The other trap we need to avoid is Quid Pro Quo. It is the natural inclination of all people to calculate, even subconsciously, the value of the act. If I extend this amount of effort, what happens? We do not expect a direct tit-for-tat; we expect that we have invested with future value. That value may not come from the person for which we have extended the effort, but it exists just the same. Have you ever thought, or said, why has this occurred with the good I have done? Is there some karma in the world that withholds kindness from those who do not practice it? If I show kindness, should it not benefit me?

Kindness is an act, in and of itself, that does not require external motivation. It is a gift you give to yourself. It is an attempt to be more like Jesus.

FINDING YOUR RHYTHM IN LIFE

Kindness is not an obligation or submission to a higher authority. It isn’t a habit to be performed mindlessly over and over. It does not reach out from your subconscious to grab the moment and steal away. Kindness is a conscious act of will that integrates you into the lives of those around you to share what God has given you. Kindness should be the heartbeat of who you are. God loves you unconditionally. Because of that love, He has compassion for what you are going through. That compassion is expressed in kindness toward you. He paid the total price.

Kindness should flow from you as a natural part of being. It should be like breathing, inseparable from life itself. When kindness becomes the music in your head that lightens your step and softens your outlook, you have started to live the life God created for you.

1 Peter 3:9, “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”