Love’s Reaction to Anger

What is love’s reaction to anger? There is another side of love that we all experience; it is those moments when we can’t seem to avoid being angry. One of my close friends said it this way; “There are moments when we are angry because our children have sinned, but it is not an anger at them, but an anger that sin has crept into their lives.”

Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry, yet do not sin.”

Interestingly, Paul did not tell the Ephesians not to be angry; he said yet do not sin. My bible group quickly went down the path of righteous indignation as an explanation. There is some validity in that concept, but it is a slippery slope. Someone else had to bring up that in John Jesus did mention “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” How do we demonstrate love in our anger?

Some may preach that we should rid our lives of anger; I’m not sure that was God’s plan.

PHYSIOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE OF ANGER

We have to recognize that God built into us a defense mechanism for times when we are in danger; this is the fight or flight response. How does that work? Emotions more or less begin inside two almond-shaped structures in our brains, which are called the amygdala. The amygdala is so efficient at warning us about threats that it gets us reacting before the cortex (the part of the brain responsible for thought and judgment) can check on the reasonableness of our reaction. Inside your brain, neurotransmitter chemicals known as catecholamines are released. These cause you to experience a burst of energy lasting up to several minutes. You experience this burst of energy through increased heart rate and breathing. This burst is behind the common angry desire to seek immediate protection.

James 1:14-15, “but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”

Although your emotions can rage out of control, the prefrontal cortex of your brain, which is located just behind your forehead, can keep your emotions in proportion. If the amygdala handles emotion, the prefrontal cortex handles judgment. God gave us balance.

BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE OF ANGER

James 1: 19-20, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

Notice that James did not say “does not become angry,” he says “slow to become angry.” The implication is that there are situations in which we may become angry. But he tells us that anger does not produce righteousness.

Psalm 37:8, “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.”

Psalm’s tell us why; anger can lead us to evil. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:27, “do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.” Uncontrolled anger is a breeding ground for sin. Nowhere that I am aware of does the bible condone anger. It accepts that it does exist and cautions us to control it.

Colossians 3:8, “But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.”

We are to put them all aside, that is to say: don’t give them a voice. We need to step back and let our frontal cortex control our emotions and react in love.

ANGER ITSELF

If we look at the reasons we become angry, they fall into a few broad buckets. The first bucket is an easy one; it is genuine righteous indignation. This bucket is the easiest to recognize because it is the blatant disregard for scripture. It grows out of the evil acts of non-believers or hypocritical acts from firm believers. These do not fall into grey areas; they are black as coal.

Leviticus 19:17, “‘You shall not hate your fellow countryman in your heart; you may surely reprove your neighbor, but shall not incur sin because of him.”

The second bucket is perceived righteous indignation. Perceived righteous anger is the devil’s playground. Perceived righteous indignation is where we feel we have the religious high ground when our motives are purely personal. The most common is that you treated me poorly, that is ungodly, and I have the right to retribution.

Romans 12:19, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord..”

The third bucket is my most dangerous bucket. This bucket is full of pride and insecurity. Pride and insecurity are where I feel little because I am misunderstood or unheard. It is where my perceived value is diminished, and I feel inferior. These moments are where I forget that God made me great and prosperous. I forget I don’t need the validation of others to achieve God’s potential in me. 

Ecclesiastes 7:9, “Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools.”

ANGER AS A PART OF LIFE

For us fallen humans, anger is a part of our lives. Many times, it raises its ugly head before we even recognize it. The best we can do is refuse to give it a voice and seek repentance and comfort in Christ when it happens. When anger does lead to sin, go back to the aggrieved person and ask for forgiveness. The act is more about repentance than actually forgiveness.

Ephesians 4:29, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”