Tag: Confidence

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Winning in a Meritocracy

What does winning in a meritocracy mean? First, winning in a meritocracy is almost impossible. Meritocracies are like vermicular designs or mazes; they spawn out in every direction with dead ends and false trails. Every country has a version of meritocracy created over time to reflect cultural norms. In some Asian countries testing in school can set the path for the rest of your life. In western cultures, whom you know and what you know determines where you stand in the social rankings.

Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

MERITOCRACY

Meritocracy: (noun) A system in which advancement is based on individual ability or achievement.

Winning in a meritocracy is about playing the game when some rules are hidden. Some rules are open and easy to understand. A high grade in school moves you up the ranking, and a low grade moves you down. Social structures can be subjective. Being a doctor can move you up the ranking, but being a doctor of what? Does a Surgeon, a General Practitioner, a Chiropractor, and a History Professor have the same status? It’s according to who else is in the room.

As children, we start with a subconscious understanding of merit. We are rewarded for specific behavior and punished for others. We get awards to commemorate each good occasion. Sometimes the merit system needs to be clarified, as in a participation award. Did that move me up or down? Is the fact that I participated a remarkable thing worth rewarding, or is it wrong because I didn’t distinguish myself?

2 Corinthians 4:4, “In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.”

We face competition in every aspect of life, but one. We compete at work, in extracurricular activities, in relationships, in school, in how we dress, how we talk, whom we know, and what we know. And we compete for our place in this world. We face a pie of limited size, and we compete for our slice.

THEN THERE IS GOD

Genesis 1:27, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

God wiped out the merit system when He sent His son to die for our sins. That should be embraced as incredibly good news. The constant striving to have meaning is replaced with open arms and purpose. We are not created equal in the sense that the world sees equal. We were created equal because God created us uniquely and ideally for the purpose He had in mind. As a result, not a single person is better qualified to do what God has planned for them.

Winning in a meritocracy has no meaning to God. We are saved through grace, not works. Therefore, we do not compete with each other for God’s love and acceptance. Our place in eternity is assured through His grace.

TAKE A BREAK FROM THE RAT RACE

Colossians 3:2, “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”

In Luke 12, Jesus tells a parable about a rich man whose crop yielded a great harvest. The rich man decided to tear down his barns and build bigger ones so he could be secure for the rest of his life. In verse 20, God says, “You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?” We are all gifted uniquely, but it is God who makes the plants grow. It is God who determines how long we have to enjoy His gifts.

We still need to do our best in all that we do, but it is not to please others. We don’t have to look over our shoulders to see who’s gaining on us. Instead, we can rest in the knowledge that God has our back. It is hard to shift gears when you have spent your life competing at every level. Uncertainty comes with breaking away from the worldview to embrace an eternal view. But the peace of mind from trusting God will give you the confidence to excel in all He put before you.

Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

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Moral Insincerity

Proverbs 3:26, “For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.”

I am not your typical reader. I very seldom take information at face value. Typically, I would not pass on an opinion unless I emphasized it was not mine or researched it to assure myself I could defend it. That is why I found this piece of research interesting. Zoe Chance, associate professor of marketing at Yale University, did a study on self-deception. This study showed how ingrained self-deception was.

Romans 12:3, “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.”

In the study, Ms. Chance first gave two groups of subjects an IQ test. One group was given the test without an answer key; the other had the answer key at the bottom of the test. The group with the answer key did better. The deception comes in when they were asked to retake the test without the answer key and predict their outcome. The second group predicted that the outcome would be the same. They fooled themselves into believing that they had known the answers. Of course, it wasn’t the same; they all did more poorly. Even when the subject group was given a financial incentive for predicting the outcome, they still guessed wrong. The lure of financial gain did not deter them from overstating their performance. In reality, even money could not puncture their inflated self-belief.

There have been several studies on the concept of moral insincerity. They all demonstrate that if we lie to ourselves enough, we begin to see it as a truth. Self-deception allows us to overlook the repercussions on others so that we can believe we are generally acting morally.

“Self-deception means that we can continue to see ourselves as good people” – Uri Gneezy.

I came face to face with this in my life. About a decade ago, I realized that I had inflated my self-worth.  Over the years, I have slowly and methodically enhanced my past. They were all baby steps, no out-and-out lies, just little exaggerations. I was taking historical license to my own story. I crafted the narrative to fit the circumstances. My experience proved that if you do this long enough, you create a person who never existed.  Ah, to be that person.

Hebrews 10:35-36, “So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”

I am still struggling with undoing the narrative and rediscovering the truth. I try to avoid discussing personal accomplishments so that I may get back to the truth and not confuse people with what I have said in the past; I don’t want to present a false humility. I had to go back into my past documents to rediscover the truth. It had been molded, bent, and compromised to the point I didn’t know it, and it was my life; I lived it.

I don’t think I am alone in wanting to matter. We all want the life we’ve lived to mean something. Earlier in life, I didn’t know what that phrase meant. I thought living a life that meant something was to accomplish material gain or status. Now I understand that the world that God created consists of relationships, not accomplishments. To matter is to have changed a life for the better. It is to allow someone else to stand on your shoulders to reach higher than you could. To be something is to drive an eternal emotion of gratitude from someone else.

I say this as both a confession and an encouragement. God has made us incredible creatures. What we can accomplish seems endless. The beauty, artistry, and creativity He embedded within us is amazing. When we focus on worldly temporal goals and achievements, we limit our true potential. When we focus on changing a life for eternity, we realize our potential.

2 Timothy 1:7, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

To accomplish that potential in God’s Kingdom doesn’t require you to be anything more than who you are. The bumps and bruises are the battle ribbons of being human. Falling short yet standing firm is a better story than succeeding. The character of a Godly person accepts failure as a learning experience. The side roads and the rabbit trails are the cautions we pass on that make the next generation stronger.

Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

We spend too much time watching videos of other people’s perfect days and aspiring to live them. Influencers dictate self-view and drive moral insincerity. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among children and adolescents aged 10–14 and adults aged 25–34 years.  In 2020, men died by suicide 3.88x more than women. 

2 Corinthians 12:9, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

When we start lying to ourselves, we start the destructive process of elevating expectations in others. When we only present the positive side of our life experiences, we subtly teach others that negative experiences are taboos. We don’t deceive ourselves to harm others, we do it to embellish ourselves, but the harm still happens. It creates a slowly eroding sense of worth, of not keeping up.  

Be good to yourself. Love who you are and who God made you. Encourage others that imperfections are what makes us unique. See that when you lie to yourself about who you are, you not only harm your self-perception, you create a false expectation in others.

1 Corinthians 2:3-5, “And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.”

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You are God’s Delight

Psalm 149:4, “For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation”

In his book “The Heart of Christ,” Thomas Goodwin states, “Christ’s joy, comfort, happiness, and glory are increased and enlarged by His showing grace and mercy, in pardoning, relieving and comforting His members on earth.”

Aside from the question of how can a God who is holy, eternal, almighty, and self-sufficient can increase in anything? How can this God that suffers no lack, knows no limitation, and experiences no deficiency be enlarged? Aside from that, we know that God delights in us asking Him for anything. The very act of asking means we have brought Him into the equation; we have thought of Him.

Zephaniah 3:17, “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.”

‘I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.’  From “The Rose Garden” (circa 1259) written by the Persian poet Sa’di.

I need to do what I can, and He will do what I can’t; I need to prioritize my requests. Some problems and needs are just too small for a mighty God. I should not whine and snivel; others have it worse than me. I need to get away from the concept that God is limited in His ability to answer prayer.

We are conditioned to optimize resources, and we see God as one of those resources, thus making God into our image. When we put constraints on God, we do not constrain Him but constrain what we ask of Him. We limit His impact on our lives by limiting His involvement.

God has unlimited wealth; we, the global eternal Christian community, can not exhaust His resources. His world works in infinite parallel processes that are not limited by the volume of requests; we don’t wait in line or queue up for help. He has no supply chain issues. 

FOUR REASONS WE DON’T APPROACH GOD

  • Believing sadness disappoints God
  • Our Sin Leaves Us Feeling Unworthy
  • The need to be in control
  • Hard seasons disqualify us from God’s promises

Believing Sadness Disappoints God

Hebrews uses the word “sunpathesai,” which means cosuffer. The implication is that once we are God’s children, he sympathizes with what we are going through. He is not disappointed in the muck and mire of our lives; He is sympathetic. I have said this more times than I care to count; we live in a fallen world, God knows this. God is compassionate that there are days when we feel we are drowning. What brings Him joy is when we turn to Him during those times. It is when we get comfort from laying our head on His chest to listen to His heartbeat; those are the moments He cherishes.

Our Sin Leaves Us Feeling Unworthy

John Piper made this statement, “The power by which you daily strive to overcome the imperfections in your life is the confidence that you are already perfect.” Because of Christ, we believe in Him and what He did on the cross and His perfect life. We believe in Him, and by faith, God unites us to Christ. His perfection is counted as ours. It is the devil who wants you to feel inadequate, not God.

We ask God from the desires of our hearts, and He gives us what we need. What we need may not be what we desire. You are the source of His joy, comfort, happiness, and glory. He created you to have communion with Him. So don’t start believing that just because you didn’t get what you prayed for, God treated you as unworthy. No, He gave you something better, and you didn’t recognize it.

John 6:37, “Whoever comes to me I will not cast out.”

Talk to God about everything. He loves to hear the sound of your voice. You can not exhaust Him or bore Him.

The Need to Be in Control

Ecclesiastes 3:11, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

Whether you are willing to accept it or not, you are not and never have been in control. Even if you do not believe in Christ, you still are not in control. Believing is not a condition put on the creator of the universe.

We are His body, His body which He is concerned over; its health and wellbeing. He does not want His body to suffer needlessly. Pain is an indicator in the human body; we immediately want to understand it and relieve it when we feel pain. Sin indicates to the Spirit that something wrong in the Christian body that needs to be understood and fixed. That is God’s domain which no human can control.

1 John 4:10, “In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

Hard Seasons Disqualify Us From God’s Promises

Webster’s New World College Dictionary defines relationship as “the quality or state of being related, a continuing attachment or association between persons.”

But what makes for a genuine, long-lasting friendship? If you’re fortunate, it is a mix of shared interests, shared values, commitment, loyalty, and kindred spirits. Would you consider a friend, indeed a friend, if they disappeared every time you found yourself in a bind? Would you abandon your friends in their time of need?

Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Hard seasons are the very aspect of life that God most wants to share with you. The hard times are God’s forte. Therefore, we need to condition ourselves that when we feel insufficient, unworthy, or out of control, that is the best time to chat with God. He will surprise you with what He knows.

Jeremiah 9:24, “but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord who exercises lovingkindness, justice, and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the Lord.”

Always remember this:

1 John 3:1-3, “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure?”

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Agur the Brute

Proverbs 30:7-9, “Two things I ask of you, Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.”

This scripture is one of my favorite prayers in the Bible. For me, it summarizes both my weaknesses and my desire to rise above them. It emphasizes my internal drive for self-importance, the desire within myself to have meaning, and it cautions me about the lure of materialism, holding God’s gifts in an open hand.

WHO IS AGUR?

Agur is the son of Jakeh, a friend to Ithiel and Ucal. The name Agur comes from a Hebrew word meaning “collector.” Neither he nor Jakeh is mentioned anywhere else in the Bible. Some think it might be a pseudonym for Solomon, but the writing style does not match.  What we do know is that he is righteous enough that God thought we needed to hear what he had to say.

I love how he identifies himself:

Proverbs 30:2-3, “Surely. I am only a brute, not a man; I do not have human understanding. I have not learned wisdom, nor have I attained to the knowledge of the Holy One.”

When I read this, I fell in love with the character of the man. I long to be that kind of person who humbly acknowledges who he is and what he needs to rise above himself. He also dares to implore God, “do not refuse me before I die.”. He sees himself on a journey and prays earnestly to arrive at its destination.

FALSEHOODS AND LIES

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes think my weaknesses are burned into my genetic code in a way that cannot be modified. The desires of my heart are so strong that they rule my head. It doesn’t matter how much head knowledge I have; my heart wants to control. So I deceive myself into believing that what I want is what is real.

In my life, the prayer of Agur is not just about being truthful to those around me but being honest with myself. Agur acknowledges that he is only a brute, not a man. In this statement, Agur deceives himself. No brute could conjure up such a great prayer to God. No brute could step outside himself and ask for help. Agur may have brutish ways, but he is not a brute.

We all have attributes that we dislike. We all feel insecure in some aspect of our lives. Many of us don’t like that to be common knowledge, so we fudge a little; we embellish, we protect ourselves. Most of these issues are so minor that others, especially our friends, don’t see them. But we live with them day in and day out. We feel a need to defend who and what we are. Not in a big way, an outright lie, but small little falsehoods that misdirect and deceive. In time we stop deceiving others and start deceiving ourselves.

Agur not only wants to stop lying, but he also wants to stop deceiving. My heart wants to be that strong; it wants to be that confident in who God made me. But as Agur points out, we are on a journey, and that is our desired destination.

Lord, do not refuse me before I die.

WEALTH AND POVERTY

This part of Agur’s prayer is significant in my life. I cannot go into the details of the story because it involves others, but at one point, I was wealthy, by most standards, and overnight I became destitute.  Destitute in that I was over $100K in debt with no cash, no income, and no assets. This condition was brought about by a decision I willingly made; no one forced it on me. But, there comes the point in life when you have to decide what is important. That point in life was thrust upon me, and I decided. It was the most insane leap of faith I have ever made, one in which I still feel at peace.

“Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.” I have lived by that for over a decade. Every time I want more or feel materially insecure, I think of Agur. I think how incredible it is that God had his words inscribed for all men to read. I hold everything God gives me with an open hand. I want for nothing. I volunteer my time and my money to travel the world in the act of worship. I don’t ask for support because God has already given it to me. As a result, I am secure spiritually, emotionally, and materially.

Agur knew the secret of a whole and fruitful life. He says, “I do not have human understanding. I have not learned wisdom, nor have I attained to the knowledge of the Holy One.” Folks, life is a journey, not always a pleasant one. Sometimes admitting we don’t have the answer is the answer.

John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

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