Tag: Happiness

Searches that might use fulfillment, joy, contentment, direction, hope or peace as descriptors.

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Pursuit of Happiness

The Pursuit of happiness is one of the most cherished possessions of all United States citizens. The pursuit of happiness is so cherished it is in the first sentence of our Declaration of Independence, signed in 1776. The right to the pursuit of happiness is considered unalienable; unalienable rights are rights that can never be forfeited. They’re fundamental parts of humanity, the basis for moral interactions between people, and are irrevocable.

Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776 “We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

“Every man, whatsoever his condition, desires to be happy.” —Saint Augustine

Unalienable Rights

Thomas Jefferson, the primary drafter of the Declaration of Independence, described unalienable rights as, “We human beings are born on this planet with these rights, and so these are our birthright. These great virtues keep us separate from other living species and protect human dignity. These rights are like God’s gift to the human race.”

Ecclesiastes 3:13, "Also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man."

Over 130 national constitutions recognize happiness or well-being as a constitutional value worthy of protection. However, this is high praise for a concept so pure yet so misunderstood. We all crave a world where we are free to chase what makes us happy. We freely endorse that all people have the right to be happy. The problem comes into play when we start to define happiness. Some things that might make one person happy infringe on another’s happiness. Many things that might bring us happiness at the moment are short-lived and harmful in the long term. Almost every perception of human happiness concerns the here and now.

Misapplied Happiness

Most people pursue happiness at their peril. The list of things people do to pursue happiness makes the sins described in Second Timothy sound like a shopping list. Somehow we seem to gravitate toward things opposed to God.

2 Timothy 3:1-5, "But understand this, that in the last days, there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power."

“There is no man upon the earth who isn’t earnestly seeking after happiness, and it appears abundantly by the variety of ways they so vigorously seek it; they will twist and turn every way, ply all instruments, to make themselves happy men.” —Jonathan Edwards

Happiness becomes self-centered. Happiness becomes about having, being, or controlling rather than giving, loving, and accepting. The pursuit of worldly happiness makes us more unhappy. We become insecure about what we have. We become possessive of our happiness over others’ happiness; slaves to the very things we are pursuing.

True Happiness

Happiness is untested delight. Joy is delight tested.- Jack Hyles

Galatians 5:22-23, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law."

Happiness is situational; joy is a decision. God did give us the unalienable right to Joy. Pursuing it does not lead us to gain something but to give up something. Once we give up our right to be joyful and start helping and loving others, we find we have joy. God has built this joyful quotient into us that the more you give, the more you get. We chase happiness like an animated object trying to allude us. Joy is stationary, waiting for us to apply the Gospel to our everyday lives and reap the rewards promised by God.

Ecclesiastes 3:12, "I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live."

Happiness is a valent concept that would lead us to praise it as if it was an object to be worshipped. But, in fact, it is a by-product of our condition. On the other hand, we get joy when we give up on everything worldly. It is the peace that comes from knowing God is with us.

John 15:11, "These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full."

The world is spiraling downward toward the end predicted in Revelations; those who do not cling to the God of the universe will eventually suffer significantly from it. Accordingly, happiness is about serving; not about others serving us.

“It is a Christian duty . . . for everyone to be as happy as he can.” —C.S. Lewis

Philippians 4:11-13, “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance, and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

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The Incredible Answer to Prayer

I leave for Kyrgyzstan today. This is one of the great joys of my life. These are incredible people.

In August of 2021, I wrote the post My Last day in Tokmok. This was a lament. I had worked with three amazing women that had uncertain futures. My last sentence was this, “My selfish prayer is that God’s plan for them will be revealed in a way that brings us both joy.”

God answers prayer in stunning, beautiful, and astonishing ways. One of the women has found the love of her life and gotten married. I get to meet her new husband. Lest you worry, they crossed all the T’s and dotted the I’s. They pursued and received the church’s blessing and, more importantly, her uncle’s blessing. Her uncle is a man of strong faith who takes his guardianship of her seriously.

I head to 22 hours in an airplane looking forward to the journey.

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Impossible to Unbelievable

Ephesians 2:10, “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

God wants to take you from the mundane to the impossible to the unbelievable.

I grew up in a small town in the Midwest. I kidded about a GED being our diploma and an actual High School diploma being an advanced degree. There wasn’t and still isn’t much opportunity in small-town America. It seems like the only path to real success is either being born into the family business or starting one. I was a kid like everyone else in my class; my future wasn’t bleak; it was confining.

Somewhere along the line, I started to understand that impossible was just a word. It wasn’t because I looked at the impossible as something to be done, as it was that I looked at my past and saw that I had done things that I would have thought impossible; the impossible became unbelievable.

Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

I was the kind of kid that people would say; he might get out of High School, but he will never get accepted into college. If he does somehow get accepted, he doesn’t have the tenacity or ability to graduate. Graduate School, not a chance he could get in. I was average, and dreams were bigger than me. I looked at these achievements as impossible, but other people had done it, why not me?

FULTON’s FOLLY

The great thing about chasing the impossible is there is no shame in failure; it is almost expected. In the early 1800s, there was a painter named Robert Fulton. Robert studied art in Paris and London but wasn’t successful in getting commissions to paint. He married the daughter of the American Ambassador to France, Robert Livingston. Mr. Livingston had seen one of Mr. Fulton’s drawings of a submarine and suggested that he go into the business of designing steamboats.  Robert Fulton then had a vision of building a steamboat that would carry passengers up and down the Hudson River. The problem was that no one had ever done that; it was impossible. Steamboats were dangerous and unstable; they were in the realm of hobbies and toys. They had novelty value and nothing more. Fulton had not invented the steamboat; he would be the first person to make it commercially viable.

On August 17, 1807, the Fulton steamboat the Clermont made history. The small, snub-nosed boat made the 150-mile run from New York City to Albany in 32 hours. Regular passenger service was inaugurated, and a new era in water transportation began.

Robert Fulton’s great quest is now known historically as Fulton’s Folly. How would you like to fail on a scale so large that your name becomes a historic by-word? But his name is not a historic by-word because of his many failures; it was his one great success; the impossible became unbelievable. Robert Fulton went from a failed artist to the father of water transportation.

DREAMS AND VISIONS

Dreams are things you see in your sleep and dissipate like the morning fog once you arise. Visions are those haunting thoughts that won’t let sleep come quick enough.  Visions are ideas do delicious; you can’t stop thinking about them. Visions are not always impossible, but many seem that way. To change a vision to reality, you need resources, time, and chance. Visions of greatness start as impossibilities. They are long shots beyond our reach. There is so much that has to go right and so little that needs to go wrong that the prize is scarcely worth the effort.

2 Timothy 1:7, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

THE POSSIBLE

Well, I did graduate from college, then I did it again, then I graduated from graduate school. I didn’t get to go to Frat parties or throw a Frisbee across the quad; I worked nights as an Orthopedic Technician in Surgery at a trauma center.  I did it because I had this vision in my head that said this was the direction I was to go. God had a plan for me before I knew what life was about. As a result, I ran companies and built companies; I traveled all over the world. Impossible was a thing I hadn’t done yet. I have never done anything that has never been done before me; I have only done things that I thought I could never do. Now I look back at my life and shake my head; unbelievable. If my sixteen years old self could see me now, what would they think?

Matthew 19:26 “Jesus looked at them and replied, ‘This is impossible for mere humans, but for God all things are possible.”’

All things are possible to those that believe. God made each of us amazing creatures, capable of accomplishing almost anything to which we set our minds. The major constraint before us is not an opportunity, or resources, or chance; it is the will to live the life God created us to live. Something is impossible until you do it, then it becomes unbelievable. I am always amazed at things that I would never have expected I could do that seem mundane once I have done them; mountains do not look as tall from the top as they do from the bottom.

Stop fearing the impossible and start chasing the unbelievable. Become the person that people say, “If they say they are going to do it, it might be unbelievable, but not impossible.” Be the person God made you be.

Matthew 17:20, “And He said to them, “Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; nothing will be impossible to you.”

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Answer God’s call

John 15:16 “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.”

Let me tell you a story. I remember is was late fall. I remember that because it was dark early and as I walked from the MARTA station to my destination it was cold. Not the crisp northern cold, but a Georgia winter wet cold. The type that crawls under your jacket and digs into your bones. I was late meeting a friend that I hadn’t seen in a while. Walking head down against the wind, I walked across the court yard exiting the station and just vaguely remember seeing a shadow of a man. The voice in my head said “stop”. It seemed loud and real enough that I came to a halt.

I now looked at the man standing in the cold. He had on a trench coat, but it didn’t look warm. He stood looking into the air, moving left, then right. He seemed uncertain as to what he needed to do next. I’m late I said to myself and started to move on. All I heard was “To the least of these…” nothing more.

God doesn’t yell or intimidate, He reminds us of both the great privilege it is to know Him and the great joy we can receive by obeying Him. It wasn’t a command or even a request. It was just a quiet voice of truth.

I looked at the man’s face. This was the first time I actually saw him. You know if you avoid eye contact it’s not really real. His eyes were sad and pain filled. There were a lot of years in those young eyes. He knew disappointment, they were traveling buddies. He had lost something important, and he was at a lost as to what to do. I knew to speak to him was to take on his burden. Once I knew, I couldn’t turn back. Reluctantly I asked “Can I help you?”

God is an incredibly loving God. He is amazing. This man’s need was everything to him. It was insurmountable in his circumstances. But to him it was just another hard day on earth. To me it was simple. I gave him what I had and it was more than enough. He stood erect, shook my hand with a thanks and a nod. But his eye gave it away. Relief and surrender. I started to walk away but I stopped. I turned and said “You know, God really loves you, that is why I am here now.” He smiled and said “Yes sir, I truly know that.”

Answer God’s call folks. Be that person. I don’t have words that can accurately paint the picture of how it will change your life forever.

There are big things that God will just nag us over. He will plant the seed. He’ll water and fertilize it. He will come back over and over to prune it. He just won’t let it go. Those things we eventually come around to acknowledging. They’re BHAG’s (Big Harry Aggressive Goals). They take time and energy and planning, but they are worth it in the end.

What I love, and crave, are the whispered moments when God has a single opportunity to share. It is like God says “Tomme, see that rainbow?” “Look it’s over there.” And when I turn, it takes my breath away. I stand in awe. These are the rocks in my memorial. I pick each one up and remember a time when He loved me so much he asked me to be in His plan for someone else. The stones are the BHAG’s that I could have never accomplished without Him. The rocks are his way of telling me how much He loves me for the little thing that make life worth living.

Be that person.

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The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants

A hard concession to make to myself, as a man, is that love innervates me. Guys are supposed to be more aloof. My father, a great man, instilled in me the identity of a warrior. Not the brawling, fisticuff type of ruffian. But a man with a plan and the tenacity to see it through. That tenacity tended to create silos of emotion. It was a learned skill of compartmentalizing distractions. It was a way to cut through the clutter with a laser focus on achieving a goal. It was about making hard decisions. Winning was beating my ability and expectation. It conjures an image of always moving toward the fight, the fight being an obstacle, or an obstruction, or a challenge.

Somewhere my heart changed. The fight in me grew weary. I started to see the beauty in all of God’s creations. The outdoors that I loved morphed from a place to become physically stronger, to a place to experience creation. It was awe-inspiring, and at times emotionally overwhelming, to see what God had done. It started with the beauty of nature and slowly took over my being.

Colossians 3:14 “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

Love binds everything, all our virtues, all our passion, and all of our effort into an unstoppable force for God’s kingdom. If what we are searching for is not rooted in love, then we need to hit the pause button. Paul wrote this eloquent passage to the Corinthians concerning the power of love.

1 Corinthians 13

“1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now, we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

You can’t fake it. People will see right through you if you try. You can not seem all loving and caring one moment and distant and cold the next. Your purpose is not just an activity that helps others. It has to be life-changing for both of you. “But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.” The echo that remains is love. The feeling of having loved and being loved is the most potent drug I know.

They say your eyes are the window of your soul. The other day I was listening to a speaker at a conference. The first part of the presentation was more how-to and why. The second part was how to apply the learning. There was an astounding transformation of the speaker between the first and second parts.  Her entire body language changed; her tone became softer. She became more relaxed and focused on the audience. Her body tilted toward them as she spoke of life-changing answered prayer. She connected with the people in the room. She had compassion for those who had not experienced what God can honestly do through prayer. It wasn’t just a passion for the topic; it was a love for the audience. She wanted good things for each of them.

1 John 4:19, “We love because He first loved us.”

When you make this connection, you will know God’s passion and purpose for you in life. When you drive toward using your God-given resources to help people experience the love and joy of knowing Christ, then you know you are on the right road. It is not enough that you can be successful in your chosen field; you have to want to be transformational. That is the purpose.

1 Corinthians 2:9 “However, as it is written: What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived — the things God has prepared for those who love him.”

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My Father’s Passing

This post is off topic but important to me.

Last night one of the most influential people in my life passed away. It was my father, he was 93, and he was an absolutely incredible man — one of those once in a century type people. To his last days, he still charmed those to whom he talked, even when his dementia clouded the memory of who they were from his mind.

I don’t want to bore you with my complete admiration of who he was.  I do want to reveal some of his lessons to me. He taught me the most important lesson you should learn about commitment was not keeping it; this was absolute, but when and how to make it in the first place.  If one makes the right commitment, maintaining it is easy. Once you commit, you keep it no matter how high the cost. That is why making it is more important than keeping it. It is in the making that you set the stage for keeping.

He taught me that life was not meant to be fair or just, but there is still a joy to be found. Finding joy in life requires you to look past the pain and disappointment to see the learning and the progress. Falling and failing were part of the process and didn’t define who you are.

Work was a life long endeavor. Finding your passion was critical for sustaining this effort. Passion changed work into joy. It was something in which you took pride. You cannot sustain satisfaction in an endeavor without a passion for it.

I learned that the most crucial thing in life is love. He was not a man to hug or kiss or even say I love you. He was a man who showed it and lived it every day. Actions were the foundation of character, not words. From this man married to my mother for 72 years, I learned a love that was profound and indescribable. That love brings me great pain today. He was my rock and my castle on a hill; he was all that I hoped to be. He made me proud to be his son.

He rode the rails as a migrant worker at 15. He lied about his age and went to war at 17. Without a high school diploma, he passed his college boards and soon graduated a civil engineer. Throughout college, he studied, worked full time as a bartender at night, and supported three kids and a wife — all of this he did with a sense of passion, purpose, and obligation.

He will be greatly missed by me.

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A Truer Version of Ourselves

I had the pleasure this last weekend to volunteer my time serving at a women’s conference put on by Deepwater Women. Deepwater Women is an impressive organization run by Donna Beverly, Patti Gordon, and Amy Consoli, covering our deeper identity with Christ, growing a deeper intimacy with Him, and creating a more profound impact because of Him. Amy made a statement that grabbed me. “We are being remade into a truer image ourselves.” That sentence screamed at me. It summed up my struggle. As I move from who I made myself into being, toward what God made me, I am transforming into the actual person that God has always wanted me to be. What an incredible thought.

Jeremiah 31:3 “The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”

We struggle for our identity, and yet it is already within us, we need to find it. Years ago, I wanted to hike the Estelle Mine Train trail in northeast Georgia. I wanted to travel it because it followed the route of an old narrow gauge mine train that when from Pigeon Mountain, through seven tunnels, to what was once Estelle Georgia. I thought it would be neat to hike the tunnels. Once on the trail, I started to realize that this “right of way” hadn’t been used since 1924. The tunnels shrouded by time had their entrances partially covered by rock slides and overgrowth. Finding the tunnels took some effort and determination. I had a map, and I had the stories from the internet of the hike. Even with all of that, some were almost impossible to find.

God gives us the map, and He gives us the stories in the Bible, but finding our true self is still hard to achieve. In my case, I try too hard. I feel that God’s actual plan for me is massive and mysterious. It is the grand puzzle that must be solved. To get the prize, I must endure, overcome, remain steadfast, all the superlatives we hear in church. Finding my one true self is the ultimate goal of being a Christian and following Christ. Without sacrifice, it has no value. That’s crazy talk.

Psalm 143:10 “Teach me to do Your will, For You are my God; Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.”

The tough part is to be calm. To be immersed in scripture and in prayer, to listen for God’s voice. It is a whisper in the night. It is the nudge that will not go away and the itch that needs to be scratched. There is a variation of a great quote from CS Lewis that I love: “give me the longing the scent of a flower I have not found, the echo of a tune I have not heard, and a grace so powerful it changes all the lives I touch” CS Lewis’ quote ended with “and news from a country I have not yet visited” in place of “and a grace so powerful it changes all the lives I touch” The quote I use here came from a Christian work of fiction that I no longer remember and can’t find a reference . I see in my mind a grace so powerful it changes all the lives I touch as supernatural radiation of pure white light that illuminates everything upon which it falls.

Think of the imagery: the scent of a flower I have not found… the echo of a tune I have not heard…. the struggle we feel finding our true self. The struggle is in the unquenchable desire to be that person. Every fiber of our being longs for it. It is what God made us before we existed. And yet we know it not.

Part of finding and living our purpose is quieting our minds so that we can hear God speak. He gives us all bread crumbs through passion, skills, opportunity, and resources. But to apply all of this to His kingdom takes direction. That direction comes from God through scripture, prayer, and council.

Matthew 11:30, “For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

You don’t have to reinvent yourself. It is not a monumental task that takes years to achieve. God has made you to be that person. He has instilled greatness in each of us. But it must be His greatness not ours.

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Gratification Deferred

Romans 11:29 “for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.” God’s will in your life is a sweeping tide.

In 1912, medical missionary Dr. William Leslie went to live and minister to tribal people in a remote corner of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. After 17 years he returned to the U.S. a discouraged man – believing he failed to make an impact for Christ. He died nine years after his return.

But in 2010, a team led by Eric Ramsey with Tom Cox World Ministries made a shocking and sensational discovery. They found a network of reproducing churches hidden like glittering diamonds in the dense jungle across the Kwilu River from Vanga, where Dr. Leslie was stationed. – Missionary died thinking he was a failure; 84 years later thriving churches found hidden in the jungle

2 Peter 3:8 “But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” 

I start this thought with the realization that God’s plan for me isn’t about me. That seems conflicted, or reversed, somehow. I know me. I have lived with me all my life. I have heard all the intimate details of my thoughts. I know the things that make me happy and the things that bring me shame. With all of this detailed knowledge, I can’t figure out me. I love what Paul said about this, it is so revealing. The fact it comes from Paul is comforting in a dysfunctional way.

Romans 7:15-20 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”

If I can’t figure out what I want, how can I possibly figure out what God wants of me for others? Dr. Leslie never understood (this side of heaven) God’s plans for the tribal people. He only had an idea of what he thought was God’s plan for himself. Because of that, he lived a life of disappointment and discouragement. 

The trap is bailing out because you do not see the results you expect. This is very common is most endeavors. For entrepreneurs, it’s called “The Entrepreneurs Trap”, not willing to make that final investment that would project you over the top because of all the investments have already made. You lose everything because you are not willing to go the extra step. 

Chasing the Lord’s vision for your life is a lot trickier. The business world has a lot of scoreboards, life doesn’t. Many times, our impact isn’t going to be for decades. There is a domino effect through eternity that we cannot see. God’s goal for your life might be to affect just one person. That person “infects” a multitude. Without you, they fail. You’re the catalyst that starts the process. So how do you proceed?

The risk is both not doing something, because you don’t see progress and doing something you have no calling for, because you think you are seeing results. It’s a two-edged sword. It is easy to rationalize both ways. In John 7:17 it says “If anyone is willing to do His will, he will know of the teaching, whether it is of God or whether I speak from Myself.” Comforting to know that God says we will know the difference between our own will and the will of God. Did Dr. Leslie?

There are a couple of things I use as milestones, neither are a burning bush. They are more of the whispering variety. It all starts with prayer. Nothing will happen without prayer. First, I get a “nagging”. That quiet voice that just keeps saying something over and over. It usually lasts for days. It manifests itself in bible verses, sermons, conversations with others. It is a recurring theme. This could be to do, or not do something. It works both ways with me. Finding our true calling is much like building a business from scratch. It is not one big thing; it is a cacophony of small activities leading you to a go-no-go decision each step of the way.

The second thing, either places obstacles that keep slowing me down and putting off my expectations, or provides unexpected help in moving forward. Keep in mind Romans 11:29 “for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.” God will use every means at His disposal to clarify your skills, passion, resources, and direction. He will not leave you hanging. He will not get bored, lose attention or be distracted. He will keep on task even when you have grown weary.

I mentioned 2 Peter 3:8 above. God’s timing is not our timing. We need to take heart throughout this process. We need to balance the need to move forward with the patience to wait on the Lord. At times it seems like a razor’s edge from which to fall. Move too fast we make mistakes, move too slow and we may miss an opportunity. God is in charge. He always was and always will be. Lean on Him. 

2 Thessalonians 1:11 “To this end also we pray for you always, that our God will count you worthy of your calling, and fulfill every desire for goodness and the work of faith with power,”

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PATRICK DAY

Who was Patrick and why do you care?

Patrick Day was a 27-year-old boxer who died of a brain injury in a boxing match on October 14th of this year. “Patrick Day didn’t need to box,”…. “He came from a good family, he was smart, educated, had good values and had other avenues available to him to earn a living.” … “It’s how he inspired people and it was something that made him feel alive.” That is who he was, now why do you care? “Many people live much longer than Patrick’s 27 years, wondering if they made a difference or positively affected their world. This was not the case for Patrick Day when he left us.”

Can people say that about you? Can they say that about me?

I have another short story about one of my stones. I think I may have mentioned that in my early years I was somewhat driven. Actually, I was bullet proof and invisible. I did everything in excess. One of my excesses was running 10 miles a day rain, sleet or shine. It was an endorphin high and an obsession. In the spring of my 30th year I started getting tunnel vision around 4 to 5 miles. I would walk a few steps; it would go away and I would continue running. As it was spring and I wanted to ramp up my running, I went to the doctor to see if I could take something to get rid of this inconvenience.

The inconvenience put me in the hospital for a few days as they ran a complete battery of test to determine the problem. All they knew for sure was that it had something to do with my heart and from the initial signs it was much more dangerous than tunnel vision. They couldn’t find the source. I was told to back off on all exercise. Basically, I was told to sit in a rocking chair and find a good book. As a 30-year-old I needed to act like I was 90. As I mentioned, I was bullet proof and invisible. This is a minor setback. It will go away. They’ll give me a pill and poof, back to normal. …. But, not so much….

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months and no real progress. The problem was getting worse. More tests, maybe this, maybe that… no real answer. I started out with a partial heart block that was slowly turning into something worse.

Then one day

I’m living alone in my apartment watching TV when it happened. Prolonged tunnel vision. The protocol was to call my cardiologist for instructions. Dr. Wickliffe (Charles) was a friend before he was my doctor.

Me “Charles, tunnel vision, kind of long this time.”

Charles “stop doing what you are doing and relax.”

Me “I’m lying on the couch doing nothing, the only thing I can stop doing is breathing.”

Charles “I have a full schedule tomorrow come see me before the office opens, say around 7:30.”

Waiting is not my strong suit, so I decided to go to bed, get up early and see Charles in the morning. What I am going to tell you next is real. I can still see it in my minds eye. It still scares me today. I woke up in the middle of the night looking at myself lying in bed. I was on the ceiling looking down. That was me in the bed. I was awake. My body slowly slid down the wall and onto the bed. I was now looking at a blank ceiling. I laid there drenched with sweat, my heart was jumping out of my chest and I was terrified. I had never experienced anything even close to this in my life and I had no idea what it meant.

Options, what are my options? Stay here alone and maybe die in the night? Not good. I could go to the hospital across the street from Charles’ office and wait for him. Better idea, but how. It’s only a few blocks away (I was living in mid-town at the time), I could walk. Not good, most of it is up hill and would put a strain on my heart. Then I would die in the middle of the street alone and at night. I know, I could drive, but that would put other motorist in potential danger. Idiot, it is the middle of the night, what other motorist? Drive it is.

I walked into the emergency room at Piedmont Hospital around 2 A.M. I really don’t know what I am doing other than I want to be around other people. I don’t want to be alone. This whole thing had become rather confusing. I found a chair and made myself comfortable until Dr. Wickliffe shows up at 7:30. Well as it would turn out, they don’t allow people to “hang out” in the emergency room. The night nurse said “Hey, you’re in or you’re out, choose” … I’m in.

They put me in a small observation room, hooked up an EKG and watched for a while. All’s cool, I’m safe and in good hands. I had a male nurse; he left the room for a few minutes and comes back with a defibrator. For those of you who don’t know what a defibrator is, it’s a heart shock devise. I worked my way through undergraduate in surgery at a hospital. I’ve seen a lot of defibrators and I know what they do.

Me “curiosity, whatcha got that for?”……

nurse “well your heart has stopped three times since you got here. Don’t worry Dr. Wickliffe is on the way.”… que dramatic music….

At this point my brain didn’t have thoughts, it only had half sentences. I think it was oscillating between my natural positive attitude and outright panic. Thank goodness Charles showed up to stabilize my attention. He assured me that everything was going to be fine. I did the right thing…. Yada, yada, yada… I don’t think I was listening. My brain was still having its own convoluted dialog.

Job 33:4 “The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life”

BAM… I hit my head…. Bright lights…. What…. A man in a white mask says, “it’s going to be alright”. My heart had stopped in mid-sentence in the emergency room and they took me directly to surgery. I hit my head as a reaction to them starting my heart back. It was an emergency, they didn’t follow standard protocol, there was no time. In post-op I sat there looking at this big box taped to my arm. It had a blinking red light. Charles said it was my temporary pacemaker. Because of my age they had to order a special pacemaker and it would be here the next day. I had to go back to surgery to have it implanted. But I was and will be fine.

What does all this have to do with Patrick Day? God was extremely compassionate with me. He gave me another chance to be the man he wanted me to be. Patrick was already that man.

The rest of the night I watched that blinking red light. That was my life, it was my future, it was everything I wanted to be, but wasn’t…yet. It took me over a year to get used to the fact I was dependent on an electrical devise implanted in my chest. I was no longer bullet proof or invisible. I was human. It made me look at the past and project it forward. I didn’t like the picture. For the first time in decades I picked up a bible and started to read.

Ephesians 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

I wasn’t there yet, but the search had begun. I missed my chance at being Patrick Day, but I could find a way of becoming Tomme Stevenson.

2 Timothy 2:15 “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.”

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