When Humbleness Turns to Insecurity

The title should have been “How to Lift Yourself up Out of the Mud to Stand on Dry Ground,” but it was too long.

We all go through times when life sucks. For some of us, it means complete alienations; for others, it is loneliness, a hollow feeling that hangs over us.  There are times when insecurity engulfs us like a dense cold fog rolling in from the ocean on a moonless night. We all struggle with this at times. For me, it is not a perpetual state of being but a season of unworthiness.

I think of John 11 when Lazarus has died, and Jesus comes several days later. Martha meets Him and asks why He didn’t come earlier when He could have healed Him. Martha knows Lazarus will be raised in the last days but thinks it is too late to save him now. There are times when we should know salvation is ours, but question what about today? There will eventually be joy in Heaven, but what do we do until we get there? Will there be relief this side of Heaven?

WHEN HUMBLENESS TURNS TO INSECURITY

What happens when our humbleness turns to insecurity? How do we cope when we pass over that tipping point and start to believe our trash talk when we start buying into the sin-is-greater-than-love scenario. As humans, we all do this at times. We let our regret and guilt override our knowledge of who we are in Christ.

1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

God forgives, but do we? I know that I am saved by grace and not by works so that no man may boast. But is that enough for me today? Do I find peace in the fact that I have grieved God and others and been forgiven? I don’t know about you, but some days it is not enough to be forgiven; I need repatriation. I need an act of restoration. I need to somehow show my worthiness for forgiveness.

Ephesians 2:8-9, “For by grace you were saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is a gift of God, not a results of works, so that no man may boast.”

I can’t change the past, but I do manage to relive it. I mull it over and over in my mind wishing it had never happened. I punish myself even when God has forgiven me. Why? Because I separate the eternal from the worldly. I accept that I have been given eternal life through Christ’s death on the cross, but I still want earthly peace through some final act of attrition. There are days when I am Martha. God, I get that you love me unconditionally; I get that through your sacrifice on the cross, I will live with you forever in Heaven, but what about the guilt I feel today? Have you arrived in my life too late to heal me of my past?

WHEN DO WE GET TO THE FEEL-GOOD PART?

First of all, try to keep things in perspective. This feeling is an in-the-moment issue; it is not an eternal issue. For Christians, this is not a desperate need for salvation that is already assured. It can seem like a desperate need for acceptance. I made a horrible decision over 40 years ago that was a correction decision to a previous atrocious decision. Unfortunately, that is what happens with sin; sin begets further sin. I have lived with the guilt of these decisions. I see the parties involved from time to time. Each time I see them, it reminds me of my weakness. Had I made the first decision correctly, I would not have hurt so many people afterward.

It has all been forgiven, both by God and the offended parties, but not by me. I know that there was a domino effect from my decisions that eventually made other people better off. I would never want to reverse their future happiness by erasing my wrong decision. This story is part of the “God works in strange ways “discussion, but my guilt remains. It is one of the echoes of the past that makes me question my worthiness. If we are honest with ourselves, we recognize that we have them. They are barriers to living a life worth living.

THE GOOD PART

Spoiler alert: Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. He was not too late.

Most self-doubt is created by a historical focus overriding our eternal focus. We forget that God put us here for good works prepared for us in advance. (Get the first part in the verse below; We are God’s handiwork.) There is no need to continue to dredge up the past, we will, but it is a waste of time.

Ephesians 2:10, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Here is what is essential for those who believe in Christ

2 Corinthians 5:10, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.”

For Christians, it is not The Great White Throne Judgment, described in Revelation 20. God will not judge us for our past sins; they are already forgiven. God will hold us accountable for what we have done for Christ since we knew Him. This judgment is not to determine our worthiness to spend eternity with Christ; we have already been accepted to Heaven; it is a review of our fruit derived from that relationship. 

Romans 14:12, “So then everyone of us shall give account of himself to God.”

Back many years ago, I was given a cassette tape, you read that right, of a one-person play performed by  Pete Briscoe, “The Judgement Seat of Christ.” This is a link to the video for those of you that no longer have a cassette player. The original book was written by Tim Stevenson, with no relationship. It talks about The BEMA, the judgment seat of Christ that we must all stand before. It changed my view of Christianity. It moved me from a self-view to an others-view. It shifted my focus away from me being a better person to serving others just as I am.

I don’t know that I will ever get over my past sin. I know there will be times when it comes back to haunt me. But if I can check my self-incrimination and turn my focus to why I am here, I can get past it. Life here on earth can be joyful and peaceful. God does not want us to live a life of regret and guilt. He wants us to enjoy the fullness of His presence.

As hard as it is to believe, our past is forgiven and gone. If we waste our time fretting over the past rather than doing the good works prepared for us to do now; well, we build up more regret and guilt.

James 1:22 “But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves.”