Everyone has a story—you have one, and everyone you meet has one. One of the most essential life skills is the ability to listen to those stories. In listening to these stories, we start to connect with other people. It is not their bias, preconceived ideas, or emotional state that brings us together—it is the stories of our lives. We can not earn the right to speak until we show compassion and listen.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen R. Covey, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People“
Everyone’s Story
I have traveled worldwide and met people of many diverse cultures. What I have learned is that we all share the same DNA when it comes to life stories. It starts in tragedy, then crescendos to the impossible, and ends with great overcoming. The crescendo’s amplitude varies based on the environment, but the storyline remains intact.
I have found that the root cause of much of the conflict we experience in life is a lack of understanding about our commonality. We focus too much on our differences and not enough on our similarities.
Hebrews 3:4, “For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything.”
Everyone has a personal story of overcoming challenges, and these stories are profoundly individual yet universally relatable. These stories showcase resilience, growth, and the human capacity to adapt and thrive in adversity. Listening to these stories can inspire us, foster empathy, and build connections by highlighting everyday experiences and struggles. Each story is a testament to the strength and determination inherent in the human spirit, reminding us that we can overcome even the most daunting obstacles.
“Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self.” — Dean Jackson.
EARNING THE RIGHT TO SPEAK
Mark 12:31, “The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
How do you earn the right to speak? Most of us enter a conversation assuming we have the right to speak our minds. While this is conventional wisdom, it should not be the default attitude. A better way to position yourselves is to earn this right to speak.
Be Attentive: Eliminate distractions and concentrate fully on the speaker. Maintain eye contact, nod occasionally, and adopt an open posture to show you are actively engaged in the conversation. You are not listening until it is your turn to talk; you are listening to understand their point of view.
Proverbs 18:13, “To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.”
Avoid Interrupting: Let the speaker finish their thoughts without interjecting. Pause before replying to ensure the speaker has finished their point. Keep your emotions in check and avoid reacting impulsively. Allow the conversation to flow naturally without rushing. We almost always find something to respond to in the middle of their monologue. There is a natural inclination to stop the speaker while your thoughts are fresh. If you let them continue, you show respect, and you might learn something that changes your response.
Show Empathy: Try to grasp the speaker’s emotions and perspectives. Acknowledge their feelings and experiences. This action shows that you understand and care. You can’t fake this. You care, or you don’t care. If you don’t care, why are you even having this conversation?
Ask Questions: Ask open-ended questions to gain a deeper understanding. Questions should encourage the speaker to elaborate and share more details. The advice given to me is to convert every statement into a question. Instead of saying, “That won’t work.”, say, “How do you see that working?
Avoid Judgments: Listen without forming immediate opinions or assumptions. Respect the speaker’s viewpoint, even if it differs from your own.
Benefits of Listening
Proverbs 1:5, “Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.”
When we become so wrapped up in our own story that we can not see or choose to disregard the story of others, we miss an incredible opportunity for grace. Rather than launching into a defense of our story, stop, take a deep breath, and listen to the story of the person in front of you. Here is what you might Learn:
Value of Empathy: Listening to someone’s story is a way to walk in their shoes, to see the world through their eyes. It fosters empathy and deepens your understanding of human experiences, creating meaningful connections. People do not create positions contrary to their experiences. There is a reason they think what they think. Discover it.
Personal Growth: Every story you hear can teach you something new. It can challenge your perspectives, broaden your horizons, and contribute to personal growth. We are all a product of our environment, and so are they. Try to understand the worldly forces molding their experience.
Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
The Power of Validation: When you listen to someone’s story, you validate their experiences. This acknowledgment can be incredibly powerful and healing for the storyteller, reminding them that their voice matters. Stories remind us of our shared humanity. In a world that can often feel divided, listening to others can bring us closer together and highlight the common threads that unite us all.
Inspiration: Consider when someone’s story has inspired you, changed your perspective, or motivated you. By listening to others, you allow yourself to experience these moments regularly. We all love overcoming that moment when the impossible becomes possible. We need to hear more of these.
This Week’s Final Thought
Listening to others’ stories isn’t just about them—it’s also about you. It’s a reciprocal act where the listener and the storyteller gain something valuable. A person’s emotional state is derived from their previous experiences. We sometimes misunderstand a current situation because we do not know its story. Ask them their story when you sense something greater is going on. This moment could be the moment when another great story begins.
Proverbs 27:19, “As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart.”