It is the summer of 1832, and Aldous has inveterately questioned the linage of Montague. Montague, in a fit of rage, takes offense and challenges Aldous to a duel. Aldous, being the one challenged, has the right to choose the weapon; he chooses to love. This type of duel will never make a good movie script. It lacks panache and flair. Dueling pistols at ten paces outperforms coffee and a Danish. Choosing to love someone as a means of settling a disagreement isn’t the way we see things done.
WHAT’S THE PROBLEM HERE?
God created us to enjoy the world in which he planted us. It is His plan that we live a life of peace and joy. He wants us to love every moment we spend here on earth.
I believe that one of the strongest desires of most people is to love and to be loved. Expressing love or receiving love connotates that there are two parties involved; the giver and the receiver. We know from practical experience that love is easy when the two parties are in synch; to love the person who loves you is a comfortable and warm place to be. Let’s move away from the romance novel into real life. Life is full of unlovable people. How do we live a life of peace?
The second greatest Commandment
Matthew 22:39, “The second most important commandment is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.'”
Aside from the everyday jerk who took your parking place or cut in front of you in line, there are the genuinely unlovable. California passed a new law that it is no longer a crime to possess child pornography. You live in California and just found out your neighbor does. You live in Oregon. Your neighbor has a drug store of heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, ecstasy, LSD, psilocybin, methadone, and oxycodone for personal and recreational use; how do you love them? We have differences concerning abortion, gun control, taxes, economics, affirmative action, gay marriage, international relations, and the list goes on and on.
That’s a big mountain to climb. But how can we love our neighbor if we don’t know them? I suggest knowing about them is not good enough. Relying on others opinion of them is not good enough.
SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
In Larry Crabb’s SoulTalk, he brings up an excellent point. At first, it seemed minor, but the more I applied it, the more critical it became in my thinking. Larry asks us to first look at our sin before jumping into criticizing others. At first, I thought of this as; I don’t have to be right for you to be wrong. I turned a corner on this. I now think about it as not a me-against-you statement but as a grounding statement about all human nature. When I apply critical thinking to my state, I can then apply critical thinking to others. When I start to understand the underlying issues to my sin, I can begin to look for the underlying problems that drive others. How I rationalize what I do helps me understand the dynamics of why other people think the way they do.
We are all sinners separated from God. Just as God cared enough about me to reach down and lift me out of my sin, should I expect Him to do less for others? I’ve always looked at this as the Jonah issue. Jonah spent some time in a whale because he did not want God to forgive his enemies, and he knew God would. The requirement is that they had to repent and turn from their wicked way; much to Jonah’s dismay, they did.
I am not trying to rationalize the behavior of others, as much as their motivation. Destroy the foundation, and the house will fall. When I realize that my lack of self-esteem makes me envious, I can start to deal with my envy issues. A lack of real love often drives lust; substance abuse can indicate a sense of being out of control. God provides all of these things that are missing. God enables us to take an approach of getting something more valuable than we are giving up. Understanding God’s love may not solve the immediate problem or resolve the worldly differences, but it will provide a different platform from which to try at least to love them a little more.
CAUTIONARY TALES
Even if you cannot find common ground, you need to make sure their issues do not create new problems for you. Here are a couple of things to keep in mind.
Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against your neighbor. It is easy to start to think that you are the standard-bearer for God’s kingdom. Don’t let your sense of righteous indignation trick you into believing you have the right to be judge, jury, and executioner. That is God’s domain. If you cannot find a path toward love, then pray for salvation, not destruction. It is not yours to command. Be careful that your attitude doesn’t cause people to start praying that about you.
Leviticus 19:18, “Do not take revenge on others or continue to hate them, but love your neighbors as you love yourself. I am the Lord.”
Do not give false witness against your neighbor. Gossip is not just telling a lie; it is about spreading harmful information, even when it is true. We may have differences with people, but that does not give us the right to talk poorly about them to others. Even when it is true, unless it is germane to a critical situation, we need to watch our tongue. When someone is making a decision and needs your consultation, you must be truthful; I would suggest you distinguish between fact and opinion. Most of the time, we spread information through idle chatter or within confidential friends. Be careful not to let someone else’s sin create sin in you. Don’t escalate the situation by talking too much about it to others.
Ephesians 4:29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
James 1:26, “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.”
Do not let your difference simmer into a quarrel or outright war. Don’t let these differences keep you up at night with unclean thoughts. Often, what we want is not material; it is emotional; we want to be right. Their opinion or their actions makes us angry, and we cannot let it go. I like the saying that anger is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.
James 4:1-2, “Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.”
God commands us to build up our neighbors. Rather than despise or discourage others who think differently, why not spend our time reinforcing the excellent qualities. Don’t spend so much time thinking about what is wrong, but find common ground to have a friendly conversation. This common ground is what will give you the right to share the gospel. Contention has never been the best breeding ground for change. Change comes from a shared desire to live a peaceful life. That has always been God’s plan while we are still here on earth.
Romans 5:2, “He has brought us by faith into this experience of God’s grace, in which we now live. And so we boast of the hope we have of sharing God’s glory!”